Day 22.
My dad died. I haven't seen him for many many years, but I still feel this intense grief. I feel sad for what could have been and especially for him, dying all alone. He was an alcoholic, and my childhood, which did have some happy times, had many bad ones as well. It's going to take some time I think to process all these feelings. I'm still feeling shocked. I really felt like a drink last night, but I managed to abstain. It wasn't the answer. After all, alcohol is what ruined my fathers life. How was having a drink going to help?
I'm going to need to blog about this in more depth, I just can't do it now. Not while everything is so fresh in my mind.
A x
I'm sorry to read about this Angie, it is never easy when you lose a parent, whatever the relationship is - they still gave you life.
ReplyDeleteHere if you need a chat, but obviously you do need to process your thoughts. Very wise to stay away from alcohol though, it will not help at all.
Take care of yourself xx
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm doing ok I guess. Just feeling sad and a bit lost. A x
DeleteI had the better part of 3 years sober when my Dad died on Jan 19, 2010. I was doing ok with it (he was an alcoholic my entire life and we were not incredibly close) until I got into a huge argument with my drunk, bipolar mother (who had divorced him many years before). I left her house, picked up a 6 pack and checked into a hotel. I managed to hold it together (moderate) for a couple of weeks, but I was back to drinking every single day for the next 4 and a half years. I was not able to go more than a few days without a drink until July 1st of this year. What they say about it being harder to come back after each relapse is so true.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about your Dad. Take care of yourself. And don't drink. It is so not worth it.
Hugs,
Traci
Oh Traci, how awful for you. You did so well to be sober for so long. It just goes to show how easily it is to fall back into old patterns when life throws you a curve ball. Well done for getting to this point again, it can't have been easy. I am not going to drink, it won't solve anything. Also, alcohol ruined my dads life, so I need to keep remembering that. Thank you for your kind words. A x
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