Monday 1 June 2015

An interesting night!

Hi everyone. Well, I thought you might be interested in what happened to me on Saturday night.

So, the little guy and I go to the movies with our friends. It was a great movie and we were all looking forward to extending the good vibe and meeting our hubby's for dinner at the pub across the road. We arrive, the boys race off to the play centre (how clever are they by the way?! Giving the adults alone time to continue drinking or throw money down the drain on the pokies!!) and I have to go to the ladies room. And whilst I'm in there I have a bit of a panic because I just KNEW that C would go to the bar and order drinks for us and I hadn't yet told her that I wouldn't be drinking. So, I hurry back and sure enough, she is at the bar. So I tell her not to get me anything because I'm not drinking and she looks quite taken aback. So she decides to wait for our hubby's to arrive and we sit down. I tell her that she should order something because I know she was hanging out for a drink. Anyway, in the end she can't wait so goes back to the bar, and whilst she is there, our hubby's arrive. Then she comes back, with a BOTTLE of sparkling wine!! She told me that she got it because I might change my mind and she even poured me a small glass! I was quite shocked and thinking that I wasn't going to be able get out of this and would have to drink. And all the while, all I could think of was my broken days, my blog and all of you guys. And I really didn't want to break my momentum. But I didn't know what to say to her! My hubby actually said to her not to pressure me because I was trying to stop, but I'm not sure if she heard him. Anyway, I just ended up leaving the glass in front of me and drank my diet coke. Hubby then poured some more bubbly into my glass and ended up having it himself and we all had a toast (me with my diet coke) and crisis averted. But bloody hell, I couldn't quite believe my friend. She has actually cut down her drinking during the week so I thought she would be more understanding, but she was quite insistent! I guess cutting down is not the same as stopping. In the end, we all had a great night and I didn't miss drinking at all. I was able to drive home knowing that I was safe to do so and I didn't feel deprived at all. What I leaned from this is to be up front at the start. Be clear so there are no awkward moments. I don't want this to affect our friendship. I know we used to enjoy a drink together but I really like her and feel that this doesn't have to get in the way.

So, there you have it. I just can't believe how important it is for other people to have you drinking with them!! I want to be able to show people that the person who used to love drinking to excess can have a good time without booze. I want people to see that I have changed and that it's for the better. And maybe I can inspire others to follow suit. But even if they don't, I don't mind. I am doing this for me.

We are having them over for dinner one night in the next week or so, and I've decided to get a bottle of Edenvale. I do get sick of drinking diet coke and I don't mind the sparkling grape juice. And I will tell my friend in advance that I won't be drinking alcohol so that she is prepared!

Have a great day everyone!

Day 15.

A x

13 comments:

  1. Your friend has her own problem. I'm sure I tried to force booze on others many times. Otherwise someone might have noticed how much I was drinking...
    If you know her well, perhaps you could call her and let her know this is something you are really trying to do for yourself and maybe she would join you next weekend not drinking.
    Tell her you feel better, and that you want to keep you interest in abstaining high.
    You might be surprised what she does.

    Great job, by the way. It is so hard to not just give in to make others feel more comfortable. But you put yourself first. That is a huge and important step. Yay!!

    As an aside, I have said this before, but you might consider asking your husband to not drink with you. You might find doing it together becomes something revitalizing in your relationship. Your son will see him supporting you. His eyes may be opened to how much, or how little, people drink. And it might be fun....

    At the very least having you house be booze free is a real consideration. It has saved me from my own self destructive behaviour a few times, I think.

    Anyway - just thoughts. Do what feels right for you!

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    1. Thanks Anne. I am definitely going to tell her next time we catch up. I don't want there to be any more awkward moments like that! I am just so relieved that I didn't give in. I am learning that putting myself first isn't selfish in this instance. It is life saving. Hopefully I am learning!
      Regarding my hubby, he only has a couple of beers and not every day. I've never been a beer drinker so it doesn't bother me. But I do need to sit down with him and explain a bit more about why I am doing this. Because even though he has seen me drink too much countless times, he has no idea of the inner torment that I experience because of alcohol.
      Congrats on 18 months by the way! That is awesome!
      A x

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    2. It is really worth doing that.
      My husband, who drank lots with me, never had those feelings of remorse or compulsion for more that I did. He really didn't understand my deep need to quit until I told him.
      I told him it was crushing my soul.
      It took quite a while before he really understood what I meant- I slowly opened up more and more about it as I felt better about myself and dealt with my underlying depression.
      It is hard to admit being so confused or scared, but it is relieving to have support.

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  2. Your friends has a problem. I think her problem is taking her over because she did not even try to be a better friend and support you. You, however, made me proud! You are doing great. Keep on going. And I do agree that blogging and blogging friends help more than we realize.

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    1. Thank you. I wonder about my friend too. She says she has cut down but even admitting that signifies a problem doesn't it? I hope she sees that I can have fun without alcohol and is inspired.
      I would be lost without my blogging friends! I am so glad I have found you all. A x

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  3. Dear Angie,
    Kudos to you, my dear!
    Anne had great idea, to call her and have a nice, positive talk.
    I have never been pressured to drink. But a sober friend of mine just had his wife and some friends wanting him to use pot and drink again.
    People don't want us to change sometimes. It could be that then they see their problems.
    I am glad you didn't drink!
    xo
    Wendy

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    1. Thanks Wendy. I am so glad I didn't drink too!! I hope I don't have to go through that again! I will definitely be more up front from now on so there is no confusion. A x

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  4. I actually just finished writing a blog about this very thing, why is it so important to them that we drink? I think that part of the blame lies in our friends not knowing us outside of our drinking, they feel like all of a sudden they are with a stranger instead of their drinking buddy. Plus they worry that you'll start staring pointy eyed at their drinks. Hopefully, once she sees that your not drinking has nothing to do with her drinking, she'll respect what you are doing for yourself.
    Ya done great!

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    1. I just read your post, what a great list! I'm sure my friend will be fine from now on. I will definitely be up front with her next time we catch up. I know when I was drinking I would love having friends to drink with. I'm so glad I don't have to worry about that stuff any more! A x

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  5. Good for you! People need a partner in crime for justifying their actions! My dad loves it when I have a drink and a smoke with him as it makes him feel better about doing it! Good for holding your ground - people will be envious of you will power! X

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    1. Thanks Joanna. I'm hoping my friend will be inspired and maybe stop drinking herself! I'm just so relieved that I didn't give in to the pressure. It was pretty awkward for a while there! A x

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  6. Hell yeah, I was that friend! If my sister didn't have a drink when she visited me I'd get snitty with her. That's terrible I know but there you go, so important for us to have company to make us feel ok about boozing...

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  7. I've only just read this post Angie, but omg, I can't believe that!!! Apart from pouring down your throat she couldn't have done anymore to encourage you to drink!!! I am now on day 11 and I am out with a friend next Friday and she is a heavy drinker, I have pre warned her I am driving but haven't discussed anything with her about me going af. There is a group of us and mainly people who aren't heavy drinkers so I suppose we will see how she is, I would hate to ruin our friendship but at the moment not drinking is my priority. I know you are way down the line of sobriety but I had to start your blog from scratch (one of my OCD tendencies!) your currently my inspiration along with sober mummy xx

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