My family's alcoholism stops with me

I was watching one of the morning shows on tv this today and there is a guy on one of them who gave up drinking a year ago. His father was the lead singer of a very well known Australian rock band who was renowned for his hard drinking and partying ways. So this guy, David, was on holiday with his wife and son and on the last day of their holiday he woke up with a bad hangover. His 3 and half year old son turned to his mum and said 'daddy isn't well'. This was a big wake up call for David so he decided to stop drinking. He said "My family's alcoholism stops with me". He said he couldn't stand by and watch alcohol and hangovers be normalised for the next generation. He also said "Was I an alcoholic? No. Did I have the propensity to become one? Yes, very much so." He went on to say that there is addiction on both sides of his family and that he was standing at the doorway of a very dark room.

This is how I feel. My father was an alcoholic and was never able to conquer his demons. He passed away all alone last year at the age of 69. My father-in-law was also an alcoholic and has been in recovery for over 30 years. One of my brothers is an alcoholic and really needs intervention if he is ever to have a normal life. I have my own problems with alcohol and my husband has issues of his own (not alcohol), so I worry that my son doesn't stand a chance. I want to be able to say that my family's alcoholism stops with me. I don't want my son to grow up thinking that it's normal to drink alcohol every night and that wine is a regular drink like water or diet coke. He already associates wine and champagne with me and I hate that. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the new generation grew up thinking that it's ok to not drink alcohol? That it's an absolutely acceptable way to live and that in fact, it is those that drink that are the exception, not the ones who don't. God, how I would love this.

Getting back to David, I look at him and wonder about him. I wonder if he struggled with his decision? If he has a demon on his shoulder whispering in his ear and telling him that it's ok to have just one or two. Or has it been easy? He looks so fit and healthy, has lost weight (not that he was big before) He just looks so well. I would love to be able to ask him how he is going. But he is a celebrity, and I haven't heard him mention it again. Maybe it wasn't a big deal to him. Maybe he just made a decision and that was it. I don't know.

Anyway, today is day 19. I'm still feeling really tired, but suspect my low iron has something to do with that. I was looking at the Living Sober website yesterday and must have left it open because hubby was looking at it and he asked me how many days it's been since I had a drink. I told him and he said "well done". I thought of going into it a bit more but it didn't feel like the right time. I will soon though.

We have been invited over to dinner at my youngest brother and his wife's place for dinner tomorrow night. I haven't decided what I will tell them yet. Maybe just that I'm having a break for now. I'll just play it by ear I think. I know my brother was very proud of me when I did Dry July and Ocsober last year (I haven't told him about my other sober stints though) Guess I will have to say something soon. We'll see.

I'm off to the shops soon. I've decided to treat myself to a manicure. As a little reward. Why not?

A x