Small changes

Sorry I've been a bit slack with my blog. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing interesting to say, so I don't say anything. But I don't want to get out of the habit of blogging so must make an effort. I think not blogging has been a part of my downfall in the past.

Day 37. Who would have thought?! When I got to day 42 last time, I'm pretty sure I was thinking about drinking again by this stage. Not this time though! The great thing about Belle's 100 day challenge is that it is a good long stretch, but it is not forever (which I have trouble getting my head around, even now). It is long enough to hopefully retrain my brain about how I think about drinking, and maybe, just maybe, long enough to make me WANT to stop drinking forever. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy not drinking today and not think too far ahead. I just know that I am not going to drink for 100 days. And that is enough for now.

I have never been a morning person. I have been a troubled sleeper all my life, so I have always loved sleeping in. When the little guy came along however, sleep-ins became a thing of the past. Unfortunately, my drinking became worse, which meant more hangovers, being even more tired and feeling like hell a lot of the time. When school started, I got into the habit of dropping little guy off at school then coming home and going back to bed and sleeping for a few hours. Of course, I felt really embarrassed and ashamed that I did this, but it was necessary if I wanted to feel half normal for the rest of the day.

I thought when I stopped drinking all this would change. I thought I would wake up feeling refreshed and with oodles of energy, but this hasn't happened! I still wake up tired, with no energy, and I just want to go back to sleep! But something has changed though. I still wake up tired, get the little guy ready for school, drop him off and come home with the intention of having a little nap. But I don't! By the time I get home, I think to myself 'I'm awake now, I may as well stay up and start the day'. So I make myself some toast, bring the laptop into the lounge room, put the tv on to the morning shows, and read all my sober blogs. It has become my little ritual, and I love it! I have to work this afternoon and woke up feeling really tired this morning. I thought I should go back to bed because it's a long day (I start work at 1pm and work through till 9.30pm and usually don't get home till 10 or so) but even today, I chose to stay up and do my little ritual. It's become more important to me than sleep. Who would have thought?!

So, small changes. But changes nonetheless. I guess it's a slow process. But I have to remember that years and years of drinking can't be undone overnight. It will take time. But it will be worth it. I know it will. A wise woman (you know who you are) once said to me 'wait for the magic to happen' and that is what I am doing. I am waiting for the magic to happen. I just have to be patient.

Have a great day my friends.

A x