The holidays

The school holidays start on 29th June. Two weeks with no school. Yay! I love school holidays. Not having to do the school run in the mornings, relaxed mornings with the little guy, going to the movies. Usually I have to work on my regular days, but this time the inlaws (who usually babysit) are overseas, so I've managed to get the first week off. We are heading up to the country to stay with mum for a week. Two of my three brothers will be up there with their kids too, so we will all have a great time. This visit though, will be a lot different from our last visit.

Last time it was just the little guy and I up there with mum for the first 5 days and I wasn't going to drink. But by the second day I just decided that I'd like to have some wine, so I bought a couple of bottles. Following that, I drank every night. I managed to ignore mum's disapproving looks and found myself drinking in my bedroom so mum wouldn't see and hiding bottles under the bed.  I was so relieved when hubby and my brothers arrived at the end of the week so I would have some company and I would no longer have to drink on my own. I felt awful after that week. I was angry with mum for giving me a hard time, but she was right. It's easy to get defensive when you know what you are doing is wrong but don't want to admit it.

This time will be much different!!

I haven't told mum yet that I am not drinking. I thought about it so she wouldn't buy any wine, but then thought I won't yet. Mum likes to have a glass occasionally so I don't want her to give that up. And I don't want to make a big deal about it. I will just say that I am having a break. She will be very pleased!

My two brothers who will be visiting will be proud of me too. My older brother is cutting down and in the past when I've done Dry July etc he has even been a bit envious. He watches what he drinks and seems to have it under control. My next brother on the other hand, is definitely an alcoholic and my heart breaks for him. I think he knows he has a problem but he is powerless to stop. I will try and talk to him if the opportunity arises. He desperately needs help. If he were to stop, he would need rehab and a supervised detox. He's pretty bad.

My youngest brother seems to have skipped all the crap and dysfunction that has affected me and our other 2 brothers. Perhaps because he was only a toddler when we left dad and moved to the country and doesn't remember the awful things that happened. Whatever the reason, I'm glad he gets to be normal (whatever that is!) and have a stable, happy life with his lovely wife and 3 kids.

So, we leave for the country in 11 days. Just the little guy and I. Hubby might come up later in the week. I'm really looking forward to it. Mum gets up early so that means I get to sleep in. Although, now that I'm not drinking, I won't have to sleep off hangovers every morning! It might be a completely different holiday this time!

Day 32 today.

A x