Thursday 18 June 2015

The holidays

The school holidays start on 29th June. Two weeks with no school. Yay! I love school holidays. Not having to do the school run in the mornings, relaxed mornings with the little guy, going to the movies. Usually I have to work on my regular days, but this time the inlaws (who usually babysit) are overseas, so I've managed to get the first week off. We are heading up to the country to stay with mum for a week. Two of my three brothers will be up there with their kids too, so we will all have a great time. This visit though, will be a lot different from our last visit.

Last time it was just the little guy and I up there with mum for the first 5 days and I wasn't going to drink. But by the second day I just decided that I'd like to have some wine, so I bought a couple of bottles. Following that, I drank every night. I managed to ignore mum's disapproving looks and found myself drinking in my bedroom so mum wouldn't see and hiding bottles under the bed.  I was so relieved when hubby and my brothers arrived at the end of the week so I would have some company and I would no longer have to drink on my own. I felt awful after that week. I was angry with mum for giving me a hard time, but she was right. It's easy to get defensive when you know what you are doing is wrong but don't want to admit it.

This time will be much different!!

I haven't told mum yet that I am not drinking. I thought about it so she wouldn't buy any wine, but then thought I won't yet. Mum likes to have a glass occasionally so I don't want her to give that up. And I don't want to make a big deal about it. I will just say that I am having a break. She will be very pleased!

My two brothers who will be visiting will be proud of me too. My older brother is cutting down and in the past when I've done Dry July etc he has even been a bit envious. He watches what he drinks and seems to have it under control. My next brother on the other hand, is definitely an alcoholic and my heart breaks for him. I think he knows he has a problem but he is powerless to stop. I will try and talk to him if the opportunity arises. He desperately needs help. If he were to stop, he would need rehab and a supervised detox. He's pretty bad.

My youngest brother seems to have skipped all the crap and dysfunction that has affected me and our other 2 brothers. Perhaps because he was only a toddler when we left dad and moved to the country and doesn't remember the awful things that happened. Whatever the reason, I'm glad he gets to be normal (whatever that is!) and have a stable, happy life with his lovely wife and 3 kids.

So, we leave for the country in 11 days. Just the little guy and I. Hubby might come up later in the week. I'm really looking forward to it. Mum gets up early so that means I get to sleep in. Although, now that I'm not drinking, I won't have to sleep off hangovers every morning! It might be a completely different holiday this time!

Day 32 today.

A x

11 comments:

  1. Hope you have a great holiday, you seem to be in a really good place. I am going to Lake Garda in 10 days for 2 weeks and was waiting for the hol to be over to over to embark on my new ways but there is always a reason isn't there so I have decided to not drink on holidays. I am done. Day 10 or so now. This will be good for me and i hope i follow through. All my family are coming for the second week and we are all camping together. I know a few beers / wine in the evening would be nice but i know also i will overdo it, be tired the next day and inevitably feel remorse so i am going to go for it. Lets see how we get on!! Hopefully i will have access to wifi and can check in on my sober friends : )

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    1. Hi Kats,
      Day 10 is awesome, well done!
      Good on you for deciding not to drink on holidays. That's the thing isn't it? There is always some future event that stops us from stopping. That's what happens to me anyway. Last year I had a fancy ball that I gave up 42 sober days for. Then there was Christmas and New Year. Then earlier this year was our 2 week holiday in the sun. We have to learn that we can go to all these events and not drink. It will be hard, but we have to do it. Otherwise we will never break the cycle. You can do it!
      A x

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  2. Dear Angie,
    How nice for your mom, as well as you!
    You will have a nice holiday!
    So happy you are on day 32 already!!
    xo
    Wendy

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    1. Thanks Wendy, I am looking forward to it. It will nice not having to hide bottles of wine and drink in secret. A x

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  3. I really think telling your mom I advance might be a good starting point. I expect she would love to give up her own wine if she thought it would help you.

    I don't really see any difference between your brother and the rest of us. Except perhaps that he hasn't come to recognize that quitting might be a healthier and happier way. He has just dug his hole a bit deeper....

    Maybe you could have an honest discussion with him about addiction. Perhaps he has tried to quit in the past. He might have some amazing insights. You just never know.

    Enjoy your holiday. My kids have 1 more week and then 2 months summer vacation. I will be happy not to have to make lunches!

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    1. Hi Anne,
      I will see. If it comes up in conversation I will mention it. I just don't want to make a big deal out of it. Cowardly of me, I know.
      Yes, I'd like to talk to my brother. I want him to know he has my support. I know I am no different to him, not really. Maybe not as 'bad' but my life was becoming unmanageable all the same.
      2 months holiday is a long time! Our longest school break is only 6 weeks.
      Funny how it is freezing cold here (although not as cold as your winters!) and you are enjoying summer!
      Have a great day.
      A x

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    2. I don't think it's cowardly. It's hard to talk about these things. To make it seem monumental. I know I often just wish everyone could act normal. Of course, most of that is in my head. Sigh. Overthinking is tiring!
      Yes. It is finally warm here. The grass is green. No more snow!

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  4. Well done on day 32 angie you're doing brill. I have a similar dilemma with my dad. Will post about it in the morn xx

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    1. Thanks ESE (do you have a name or nick name? It feels funny writing those initials!
      Sounds like you have some issues with your mother-in-law. I get along fine with mine although we are not super close. But are you ever with your mother-in-law?!
      Hope you have a good weekend.
      A x

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  5. I am sure it will be a completely different holiday. It seems that you are in a truly good place. You should tell your mom when and whatever you feel comfortable telling her. I am sure she will be happy no matter what.

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    1. Thank you Tatb. I am really looking forward to my sober holiday.
      A x

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