I watched the movie '28 Days' the other day. Now, I watched this movie a year or so ago when I was still drinking and I scoffed at it a bit. I didn't think it was a realistic portrayal of an alcoholic and that it just skimmed the surface of recovery. But I got curious and decided to watch it again and I really enjoyed it this time. Now that I'm not drinking I watched it with a completely different perspective. I could relate to the main character Gwen (played by Sandra Bullock) and thought it was quite well done. Some of the other characters were a bit eccentric, but that added a touch of humour to an otherwise serious storyline. And of course I now realise that no two alcoholics are exactly the same and that we are all different. I thought it was a good movie.
I remember too when I watched it last time that I would imagine myself going to rehab. I would picture myself stepping out of my regular life for a month and coming home a new person. All fixed. Of course it's nothing like that and I realise now that it's something that you have to work at for a lot longer than spending a month in rehab! But when I was drinking, I was desperate for something to change. I didn't really know how to go about it but I just knew that I didn't want to live like that any more. I may not have drunk in the morning like Gwen did in the movie, I didn't crash my car or have to go to court, but my drinking was making my life unmanageable. I was miserable. I find it almost funny now that had I known by just stopping drinking, things would start to get remarkably better. It seems so obvious now but back then it seemed impossible. So out of reach. If only I had realised this sooner my life could have been so much different. But I can't change the past. Like I mentioned in yesterdays post "our history will stay the same no matter what we do - but our present, we have control over".
A stint in rehab does sound appealing though. Having someone professional to talk to everyday and meetings at the ready would be very beneficial. You could concentrate on recovery without the stresses of everyday life getting in the way. But who gets to go to rehab? Whenever I think of rehab, I think of people like my brother, who is physically dependent on alcohol and who would need a medically supervised detoxification. Someone who can't just stop with the support of online friends and blogs. Or that person who lives under a bridge drinking out of a bottle in a brown paper bag. Or that person who spends the night in jail after a DUI and is sent to rehab with a court order. I should be thankful that I don't need rehab. That I can do this with all your help and support. Who knows, if I had kept drinking I may have ended up getting worse and doing something really stupid. It is a progressive disease after all. I just hope I never get back on that train to nowhere again.
On a lighter note, day 18 today! Nearly 3 weeks. My last drink is becoming further and further away, and that feels really good. I hope and pray that I can keep going.
Have a great day everyone.