Thursday, 4 June 2015

28 days

I watched the movie '28 Days' the other day. Now, I watched this movie a year or so ago when I was still drinking and I scoffed at it a bit. I didn't think it was a realistic portrayal of an alcoholic and that it just skimmed the surface of recovery. But I got curious and decided to watch it again and I really enjoyed it this time. Now that I'm not drinking I watched it with a completely different perspective. I could relate to the main character Gwen (played by Sandra Bullock) and thought it was quite well done. Some of the other characters were a bit eccentric, but that added a touch of humour  to an otherwise serious storyline. And of course I now realise that no two alcoholics are exactly the same and that we are all different. I thought it was a good movie.

I remember too when I watched it last time that I would imagine myself going to rehab. I would picture myself stepping out of my regular life for a month and coming home a new person. All fixed. Of course it's nothing like that and I realise now that it's something that you have to work at for a lot longer than spending a month in rehab! But when I was drinking, I was desperate for something to change. I didn't really know how to go about it but I just knew that I didn't want to live like that any more. I may not have drunk in the morning like Gwen did in the movie, I didn't crash my car or have to go to court, but my drinking was making my life unmanageable. I was miserable. I find it almost funny now that had I known by just stopping drinking, things would start to get remarkably better. It seems so obvious now but back then it seemed impossible.  So out of reach. If only I had realised this sooner my life could have been so much different. But I can't change the past. Like I mentioned in yesterdays post "our history will stay the same no matter what we do - but our present, we have control over".

A stint in rehab does sound appealing though. Having someone professional to talk to everyday and meetings at the ready would be very beneficial. You could concentrate on recovery without the stresses of everyday life getting in the way. But who gets to go to rehab? Whenever I think of rehab, I think of people like my brother, who is physically dependent on alcohol and who would need a medically supervised detoxification. Someone who can't just stop with the support of online friends and blogs. Or that person who lives under a bridge drinking out of a bottle in a brown paper bag. Or that person who spends the night in jail after a DUI and is sent to rehab with a court order. I should be thankful that I don't need rehab. That I can do this with all your help and support. Who knows, if I had kept drinking I may have ended up getting worse and doing something really stupid. It is a progressive disease after all. I just hope I never get back on that train to nowhere again.

On a lighter note, day 18 today! Nearly 3 weeks. My last drink is becoming further and further away, and that feels really good. I hope and pray that I can keep going.

Have a great day everyone.

A x


  1. Yes, you can keep going. Don't look back. One day at a time, and soon 18 days will turn into 30.
    I never saw that show. Heard about it. I am going to watch it.
    I never imagines myself in rehab. I believe I can stop drinking without a rehab, or meds or AA meetings. For some reason, I think rehabs are for those who do drink in the morning, all day and pass out at night. Maybe I am biased that way. I believe in the power of will.

    1. That's how I feel too. I wish my brother would get himself into rehab. He is a mess. My father went to rehab when I was small but it didn't work for him. He never stopped drinking all his life.
      I'm just so glad I have all my sober blogging friends. It's opened up a whole new world for me. So thank you!
      A x

    2. I think the power of will is a dangerous thing.
      That pits all the effort and blame on you. And most of us have blamed ourselves too much.
      I sometimes drank in the morning. I had a few random binges where I just couldn't stop. I felt I was trying to drink myself sober. It sounds insane, but that's what I thought at the time.
      For me, drinking had become a compulsive behaviour. Do we expect people with OCD to will themselves to stop? No, we understand that it is very hard and we support them to find coping mechanisms.

      Alcohol addiction is a compulsive behaviour. Unless you are only drinking because it's fun. I don't see many of us saying that.


  2. Anyone goes to rehab. My husband did. And he is a senior management, coach, dad, normal guy.
    He asked for help through our work assistance program and that is how it works here. At the time it seemed like overkill-but if I stop and really consider things, it was an opportunity to stop being selfish and start the process of self awareness. For men, this seems even more of a stretch than for women. They just aren't raised to talk about feelings. He had to deal with a lot of issues and really felt he had failed. But, in truth, is was the bravest thing he could have done. And he has been successful. That is not a commone outcome, unfortunately. There is no quick fix.

    It was nothing like 28 days. Lol

    I was jealous. I think I could have used rehab myself. I actually researched it and planned to go to Depak Chopra's Paradise Valley for a 2 week wellness retreat. By then I had quit drinking on my own and was sort of ok.

    I never went. I took my yoga teacher training instead. It was therapeutic.
    I see my therapist regularly. That is therapeutic.
    I have Craig. He is a big support for me, and I hope I am for him.

    I don't think rehab is only for physically dependant people. Only being emotionally dependant doesn't make our addiction any less serious.

    Stick with the sober life! You are on a roll!


    1. What was it like? Did your husband talk much about it? I don't think I need it now but perhaps in the past it would have been beneficial.
      I've been thinking about therapy for quite some time now. I think it would really help. I really need to look into it instead of just thinking about it.
      You are right, our addiction is just as serious as anyone else. Alcohol is a horrible drug and it's such a shame that it is not treated as such. It ruins so many lives.
      Another thing I've been interested in doing for a while now is yoga. Do you recommend a particular kind? I know there are several different techniques.
      A x

    2. Craig doesn't think I would have liked where he went. It was segregated by sex, which was an important aspect in his opinion.
      He said the days had too much time. And he missed us a lot.
      he felt I would have struggled as there wasn't enough mental health support. The place he went is sort of geared towards drug and alcohol addiction impacting the workplace.
      If he has paid it would have been $25000 for 42 days.

      If I was to go I would look for a nurturing place, with a psychiatrist.

      I strongly recommend yoga. It is where I really found the ability to sit in my body, acceptance of my thought, peace.

      I like it all. I love a flow class, like ashtanga, but I tech yin, because it is like meditation and I find stillness there.

      Go to anything. Just can change your life.

  3. Dear Angie,
    I went to an out-patient rehab several years ago. I wasn't a morning drinker or even drinking everyday. I never had a DUI, never lost my job. I just knew I needed help. It was just 4 hours a day for a month.
    It didn't help stay sober because at the time, I still didn't think I needed to quit forever. I tried to moderate.
    That didn't work for long!
    I love my yoga practice, too!
    I hope you get a chance to try it!
    Thank you for your warm comments on my blog today!!

    1. You're welcome Wendy. I hope you are feeling better.
      Moderation never works for long does it?! Oh how I wanted it to though!
      I will look into yoga. So many people say it's wonderful. That, and meditation.
      A x

  4. Just catching up on your blog ... well done angie you're doing brilliant .... don't leave those treats too long though!! Think I will watch that film, am reading lots too at the min, anything to give me more insight x

    1. Thanks!
      You're right of course, about the treats. I had a manicure the other day. That was lovely! Also, I'm reading a couple of sober books at the moment. I find they help too.
      A x

    2. Good on you for the manicure hope you felt a little better for it!! I've got a pile of books waiting for me I'm working my way through them x

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  5. Life really is a journey and we don't always think we will have to deal with certain situations or problems, but we do. I entered myself into rehab five years ago after developing an addiction to pain medication. I thought I had everything under control but I realized that I wasn't myself anymore and I wasn't functioning as well as I could be. It's great that you are taking the right steps to becoming a better person.

    Johnnie Smith @ Ranch Creek Recovery