I wrote a blog post the other day, but then deleted it. I felt that I had revealed too much about myself and felt that I might come across as whinging or feeling sorry for myself. And I've realised that I really only just touch the surface when I write in my blog. That I censor what I write. I don't really write about my true self and what is happening in my life. I can't even open up honestly in my own blog. So what's the point? Is there any point to having this blog? I don't know. I think it does help. I like having this place to come to.
Should I write more about myself? Or should I just stick to whether or not I'm drinking. I think a part of me worries that my husband might read this, so I don't want to say too much. Despite our problems, I do love my husband. I just wish things were different.
Last night we went over to my husbands parents house for dinner. It was my brother-in-laws birthday so they had a get-together with the whole family. I was offered champagne to have a toast and wine with dinner. No one said anything but I could tell they were surprised because I usually down several wines and would never turn down a toast! I didn't miss it at all and had a great time!
Mum is coming over today to look after the little guy whilst we stay at the hotel tomorrow night. She'll be glad to see me not drinking. When we went up to the country to stay with her for a week last school holidays, I drank whine nearly every night and I know she wasn't happy about it. I got annoyed with her because when my brothers came up a few days after we arrived, she was talking about buying beers for them. One of my brothers is an alcoholic so this really bugged me. So what if I was having a few wines? I'm not like my brother who starts drinking when he gets up in the morning and misses more days of work than he attends. And he looks terrible, it's obvious to everyone. I have a few wines in the evening, what's wrong with that? The night before they arrived mum was going to bed (it was about 11.30pm) and I poured myself another one and mum looked at me as if to say 'gosh, another one?' I was so annoyed! I know she just worries about me, but I get frustrated that she treats me differently than my brothers. The thing is, I WAS drinking too much. I knew that and that's why I got defensive. But I'm an adult, surely I can make my own decisions, whether good or bad?
I don't know. Why does life have to be so complicated?
On a brighter note, I took the little guy to see The Lion King yesterday. It was the 4th time I've seen it, I just love it so much!! It was so special to see it through his eyes and to see the wonder and joy on his face as he watched it. Such a lovely experience for us to have together.
Day 24 today.
A x
Enjoy your night away, will be thinking of you...i think keep the blog, i am sure it is helping. X
ReplyDeleteI actually wanted to read your post - I noticed it had been deleted. Pardon me, the self-proclaimed over-sharer, but I think you should post anything and everything. I find the writing to be cathartic - and the reading of others posts help SO MUCH...mostly because they are saying what I am feeling, and it feels nice to relate - even to a total stranger!
ReplyDeleteBe proud of where you are today, in this moment. 24 days is no easy feat - Im proud of you. This isnt sunshine and roses, its really freaking hard! sometimes its helpful to see other people struggle - and subsequently make it another day.
Keep it up!
P.S. this line, is one for the books: 'I usually down several wines and would never turn down a toast! I didn't miss it at all and had a great time!'
personally, I find this part incredibly hard - cheers to you!!!!
Have a great weekend x and well done on day 24 !
ReplyDeleteDear Angie,
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to know how much to share or not share about my personal life.
All of my family and many friends read my posts, so I don't share a few things, except I do share all about drinking, or drinking thoughts.
Writing a sober blog is a place where we can make connections and stay accountable, get advice if we want it.
It should be whatever you want it to be!
Happy Day 24!!!
xo
Wendy
I write a out my husband a little, but I have shown him my blog and he is following me.. I mainly stick to my own issues.
ReplyDeleteHave you talked to your brother about your own drinking issues? Is he in recovery, or still drinking?
My advice is to write what helps you. Your issues. If you feel it lets you figure things out better.
Happy to hear from you! Enjoy your weekend. Stay sober.
Hi angie. I think YOUR blog should be whatever you want it to be. Writing things down really helps, I found, it's up to others whether they read it or not but as mentioned above, everyone in our situation has similar thoughts and feelings and it is reassuring to read and find that we are not alone. When I started to write SITNB I thought how self indulgent it was and wondered why on earth anyone would be interested to read about me. I am so surprised that so many identify with all the minutiae of my mundane life! Congrats on day 27 by now, almost one month! Superstar!
ReplyDeleteWe decide to blog, to write about issues that truly are important to us. Blogging for me is a place where I can be open and honest with myself. We should be able to write anything and everything that we choose to share. Otherwise, what's the point of it all?
ReplyDelete