Day 5

I slept a bit better last night so feel marginally better today. It's good knowing that if I stay strong and push through I will start to feel better. I'm really looking forward to that.

I had a waxing appointment at 7.30 last night. It felt really strange going out at that time, especially now that daylight savings is over and it gets dark early. I never go anywhere in the evening unless it's out for dinner and drinks, so it felt really strange. I was amazed how many people, children included, are out and about at the shops of an evening! I know it was late night shopping but I just never do that. Occasionally we will go to a food court at a shopping centre for a lazy dinner but I would always come home and drink. It may be a small thing but it felt good.

I've been reading some great blogs. One in particular talked about acceptance. I know in my heart this is something I am going to have to master. Accepting that I have a problem that can't be fixed or ignored. Until I do this, I know I will never succeed. I think I've been fighting it, not wanting to face the truth. Knowing it but not wanting to know it. Does that make sense? It's something that I'm going to work on. Because I don't want to live like I have been for the rest of my life. And that means forever. That dreaded word. Maybe it's not such a bad thought after all? Something to think about that's for sure.

We are off to the movies this afternoon with a couple of friends. One of these friends is the one who likes to drink (I have talked about her before)  I've only known her for a few years since the boys started school, but we get along well and have shared a few drinks together. Today isn't going to be an issue but I am going to have to tell her at some stage that I'm not drinking. She knows that I've had breaks before and has admired me (ha ha! If only she knew!) but I've always gone back to it. Not sure if the dynamic will change now, but I'm hoping not too much. I really like her. She's talked of cutting down before but I don't think she would stop. Anyway, I will enjoy the movies and company today and worry about future evening events another time. It's only early days and I don't want to stress about the future. I just want to concentrate on today.

A x