Day 15. I have made it to two weeks...again! In previous attempts I've done Dry July, Ocsober and Febfast, so two weeks felt like a half way point. There was an end in sight. This time, I don't have that buffer, which is tricky because it means that I've been thinking of the 'forever' word a lot more and it's a word that has always frightened me. I've been told time and again not to think about it and to just concentrate on 'today', but I find it hard. And this is what has derailed me every time. That and all the special occasions that have occurred and I haven't been strong enough to abstain.
It's my wedding anniversary on Friday. 11 years! Where has the time gone?!! Anyway, each year on our anniversary we get a complimentary night at the hotel where we had our wedding reception. It was part of our wedding package and it's great! Each year we've gone there and had a lovely stay. Usually we get a taxi into the city and have dinner at a fancy restaurant followed by several drinks back at the hotel. We even went there when the little guy was a baby and had room service. We're too scared to miss out on a year in case they decide to stop our visits (they don't have that offer any more. When we got married they had a new function room and were only just starting to do weddings so were obviously offering a great incentive to have your reception there). So, that time of year is rolling around again. Due to other family commitments we can't get there until the first weekend in May, which is only a couple of weeks away. And I'm scared. How am I going to do this and not have any wine or champagne?! It really won't be the same. I know, I know, I shouldn't be thinking like this but I can't help it. I'm really struggling with it and a part of me wishes we didn't have to go. But I don't want to not go either so what do I do? I'm really struggling with the concept of all the future occasions that I'm going to have to endure without alcohol. It's bloody scary!
The thing is, I know it can be done. There are so many people who are living rich, fulfilled lives without alcohol. They go to all sorts of special occasions and enjoy them without wine or champagne or whatever there alcohol of choice was. Why can't I get to that place? Will I ever? There is even a little voice in my head that asks do I even need to?
I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired. Physically tired and mentally tired. This is hard work. I go days where everything is fine and relatively easy, then I get to one of these days and it all seems too hard.
I am not going to drink today. That I do know.