Another beautiful Autumn evening and another bbq at the park. Yesterday hubby rang me during the day asking me if I wanted to ask our friends along. I hesitated because this is my friend who likes to drink and I thought it might be putting too much pressure on myself. But then I thought no, I can do this. So I rang my friend (who I will call C) and she said they'd love to join us. But I made a point of telling her that I wouldn't be drinking but I didn't mind if she did. I just told her that I was having a break and it was no big deal. So, we met them at the park and it was such a beautiful evening. I didn't mind when C poured herself a glass of wine and the boys had their beer. But I have to be honest and admit that I was sad about it. I thought, I can do this today. I have committed myself to having a break. But can I do this forever? There will be many occasions just like this one and it's going to be bloody hard! I can't just stay home and never go anywhere. And it's just the park, it's hardly a restaurant where there are heaps of people drinking. Do I really need to do this forever? What if I just drink on special occasions? All the usual questions we ask ourselves when we try and bargain with ourselves. But I didn't drink last night and I'm not going to drink today. I'm not going to worry about forever just now because that's what's derailed me in the past. It was a lovely evening and I whilst I felt a bit left out I didn't let it spoil my night. And our friends didn't make a big deal about me not drinking, so I know when we go out with them again it won't be a problem. So, an achievement I think.
Something I need to start doing is going to bed early! I read all these lovely blogs where people go to bed early with a book and are getting lots of lovely, restorative sleep. Self care I believe it's called. I really need to start doing this. I get so frustrated in the evenings because we have been struggling to get the little guy to bed on time. And by the time he goes to sleep it's late and then I want to sit up and catch up on my shows. So of course that means it's late when I get to bed and I feel tired all the time. It was one thing when I was drinking because there was a reason for feeling tired all the time, but I was hoping that I would start to feel better once I stopped. But I have to remind myself that the effects from years of drinking isn't going to go away overnight. It will take time.
I was sad to see that one of the blogs I've been following has been shut down. I've seen this happen to a few blogs since I started on this journey and it saddens me. I wonder how these women are going now? Are they happy? Did they succeed or are they still struggling with their sobriety? It's such a personal journey and yet when we blog we open ourselves up and let people into our lives. And we get to know each other a little bit. So, when someone disappears it feels like you've lost a friend in a way. I just hope that they are ok and hope they know that we are always here if they need our support.