Day 14..again

Today I find myself at day 14.... again. I remember last time it felt like a milestone of some sort. I guess because I was doing Dry July it was an almost half way point and other people doing it were beginning to count down the days to the end of the month. I was hoping to continue which of course I failed at. I lasted one extra day and then succumbed. I really did want to keep going. I planned to. But I guess it was early days and I wasn't that strong yet.  And maybe I needed that slip up to strengthen my resolve and to get me here again.

It was a crazy month and I am proud of myself for completing the challenge and going 32 days without alcohol. I was certainly tested when I found out my dad died 3 weeks in. Everyone said it would be ok to have a drink. That it would be understandable given the circumstances. But I stayed strong and didn't have one. I even poured mum a Bailey's as she was really upset and I thought it might help her 'relax'. I wasn't even tempted to have one. Then flying to Adelaide for the funeral, a small sad affair with just mum, 2 of my 3 brothers and me (All dad's siblings live in Norway so weren't able to be there). Even though I hadn't seen my dad for many years it was still so very sad to see his coffin and to know that his body finally succumbed to the deadly drug alcohol. So very sad for a life lost. For not knowing his beautiful grandchildren. For sacrificing his whole life for booze. I'm glad I went though, and got closure. I would have always regretted it of I hadn't gone. So that was a very testing time. And yet I stayed strong and didn't drink. Well, not for another week anyway. So I know I can do it. I just have to stay strong and remind myself why I am doing this.

I remember years ago when I was a smoker, a colleague who had given up smoking had a miscarriage. It was heartbreaking, but what I remember is that she said to me if she didn't take up smoking again after such a tragedy then she could safely say that she would never smoke again. I remember thinking 'wow, I can't imagine giving up smoking let alone not smoking when something awful like that happens!' I eventually gave up smoking myself 9 years ago and have never been tempted to take it up again even through life's ups and downs. But I'm not sure if it's the same for drinking. Because even though I was able to stay strong when my dad died, I wasn't able to be a week later. And who knows what will happen this time around? I'm hoping that I can stay strong and not drink even when life throws me a curve ball. Which will surely happen because that's just life. But I am going to keep blogging, keep reading sober blogs and books, stay active on Mrs D's website Living Sober and actively work at staying sober. Otherwise I might just slip up again and I really don't want that to happen!

A x