Wednesday

I was at work yesterday and some of my colleagues gave me a lovely condolence card and a gift. I was really touched. I have to admit that I was a bit hurt because it had been a couple of weeks and I didn't even get a card. So when they gave me the card and gift yesterday I was a bit shocked to say the least! But I was so happy that they thought of me after all. I have been working at the same place for 16 years and I am one of the last ones from my era. Which means that I often feel old and on the outer. It doesn't help that my boss is a but strange and doesn't treat me like someone she has known for 16 years! I know some of this has got to do with my lack of confidence. But it's something I want to work on. I've always had self esteem issues and I figure it's about time I find out who I really am. I really think the 'you have to like yourself before others can like you' is true. So that's what I'm going to work on.

I didn't have a drink on Sunday night, but I did on Monday night. We (Dh, ds and me) went for a lovely picnic dinner which we do a lot (more so in the summer though) and Dh bought a bottle of wine. We set up our picnic table with a table cloth and candles and Dh had a couple of beers and I had wine. It was lovely. I sipped my wine slowly and only had a couple of small glasses. In the past I would have finished them a lot more quickly and had 3 or 4 by the end. It was freezing though so we weren't there for that long. And I have to confess I had more wine at home. But I didn't drink last night and I was fine with that.

I'm reading Mrs D's book and I'm really enjoying it. It will be interesting to see how I feel when I have finished reading it. And I've still got Jason Vale's book which I started months ago but never finished reading. I also have Sober is the New Black by Rachel Black. And I finished the Sober Revolution which I really enjoyed. So I am still toying with the idea of going alcohol free permanently. I just can't get my head around 'forever' just yet.

I had some blood tests taken this morning. I have had the request slip since March as I have been curious to find out what my cholesterol, vitamin D levels and Thyroid Funtion are like. But I've been putting the tests off ever since because also on the blood slip was Liver Function Tests. And the thought of that terrifies me! Having been a nightly drinker for so long, surely my liver function must be off?! So I've been putting it off and putting it off. Then I started thinking 'maybe my liver isn't that bad now that I had 32 days of not drinking?' So this morning I went to the supermarket straight after school drop off and quite on the spur of the moment decided to finally have my blood tests done. Now I just have to wait for the call. I am nervous but it's out of my hands now. I am praying for a miracle though!

My post is a bit all over the place today. I wish I could write lovely insightful posts, but my mind feels muddled so I guess what I write reflects that. Maybe one day I will be able to. I hope so anyway.

I'm wearing my 'Not Today' bracelet that I bought from Belle's Sober Store. I love it!

A x