Thursday, 7 August 2014

It's not really working

So, it's not really working, this moderation thing. I was going to have an AF night last night. Then Dh offered to get some wine and instead of saying not to worry I of course said that would be nice. I thought it would be nice to have a glass whilst watching the final episode of Offspring. So he comes back with a bottle of Yellow and a few bottles of wine. We shared the bottle of bubbly then I thought I'd have a couple of glasses of wine. Now, when you add up the bubbly and two glasses of wine it's about a bottle in total. That is NOT moderation! And then my oldest brother rang up and we chatted for a while about dad and our younger brother who is an alcoholic and in real danger if he doesn't get help soon. And what did I do? I had some more wine. Because I'm not as bad as my brother. I might have a bit of a problem, but hey! I managed to go booze free for 32 days. And please note that that is one day extra than I had to once the 31 days of July were over. Yay me! I know I am not as bad as my brother but I still have a problem. I'm already thinking about wine during the day. Should I or should I not have wine tonight. And so soon after my break from booze. I thought if it was going to happen it would take longer than this! I really thought I'd be ok to moderate. But who am I kidding?! I have heard time and time again that people like us just can't moderate. It's impossible so why even try? I am so disappointed in myself. I LOVED doing Dry July. It took the option of having booze away and it was great. I didn't have this constant battle going on in my head. And now I'm drinking again and I hate it.

I joined Mrs D's website 'Sober Living' and even though I feel like a bit of a fraud, I'm going to stay on it. Because I'm going to stop again. I just have to decide when. I have those few bottles of wine that Dh bought and a lovely bottle of Chandon Sparkling to drink. And when they've gone, I will seriously start thinking about it.


  1. There is no rule that you have to drink all the alcohol in the house before you quit.
    It can be dangerous, sort of like a last binge before a diet...that you never end up starting.

    Anyway, thinking and planning is good. You will know when the time is right for you.

    I hope your brother is ok. Alcohol is a sneaky bastard.

  2. Thanks Anne. I appreciate your support. I worry about my brother but what can I do? I can let him know I'm there for him but unless he wants help it's hard.