It's not really working

So, it's not really working, this moderation thing. I was going to have an AF night last night. Then Dh offered to get some wine and instead of saying not to worry I of course said that would be nice. I thought it would be nice to have a glass whilst watching the final episode of Offspring. So he comes back with a bottle of Yellow and a few bottles of wine. We shared the bottle of bubbly then I thought I'd have a couple of glasses of wine. Now, when you add up the bubbly and two glasses of wine it's about a bottle in total. That is NOT moderation! And then my oldest brother rang up and we chatted for a while about dad and our younger brother who is an alcoholic and in real danger if he doesn't get help soon. And what did I do? I had some more wine. Because I'm not as bad as my brother. I might have a bit of a problem, but hey! I managed to go booze free for 32 days. And please note that that is one day extra than I had to once the 31 days of July were over. Yay me! I know I am not as bad as my brother but I still have a problem. I'm already thinking about wine during the day. Should I or should I not have wine tonight. And so soon after my break from booze. I thought if it was going to happen it would take longer than this! I really thought I'd be ok to moderate. But who am I kidding?! I have heard time and time again that people like us just can't moderate. It's impossible so why even try? I am so disappointed in myself. I LOVED doing Dry July. It took the option of having booze away and it was great. I didn't have this constant battle going on in my head. And now I'm drinking again and I hate it.

I joined Mrs D's website 'Sober Living' and even though I feel like a bit of a fraud, I'm going to stay on it. Because I'm going to stop again. I just have to decide when. I have those few bottles of wine that Dh bought and a lovely bottle of Chandon Sparkling to drink. And when they've gone, I will seriously start thinking about it.