Today finds me at 100 days sober. I am pleased to say that I am in a much better head space than I was last year when I got to this stage. I was reading back through my post from back then (here) and I was in a real slump. Not sure if it was PAWs or not, but whatever the case, I was feeling miserable and I only lasted another couple of days before I started drinking again. This time around, I feel so much happier. I still have down days but not nearly as bad or debilitating. I feel positive this time and the thought of forever isn't quite so daunting. I am going to keep going, and hopefully I will become stronger and stronger, and get to know myself better.
Last Thursday night, we were having a bbq for dinner at the park with my friend C, her hubby and their son. It was another beautiful evening and I was happy drinking my diet coke. C and her husband had a few drinks and were very chatty, and it didn't bother me at all that I wasn't drinking too. Don't get me wrong, I do have fleeting moments when I think a glass of something would be nice, but that's all they are, fleeting thoughts. I always think it through to the next morning and it's enough to keep me from having one (though we all know it would never be just one!) Anyway, as we were packing up to leave, C asked me if I'll ever have a glass again. Now normally, I would say something along the lines of yes of course, I'm just having a break, seeing if I will lose some weight or something along those lines. But this time I didn't say that. I told her I wasn't sure (I know, not 100% convincing but it's a start) I told her that I was going to keep going as I feel so much better. I also told her that if I'd had a glass or 2 with dinner, I would go home and have more and then I'd feel shit the next morning. And that was the problem, that I can't stop at 1 or 2. So, I am starting to be honest about the real reason I am not drinking any more. I even said to her that just because I am not drinking doesn't mean we can't go out together and have a good time. And she agreed. So I am glad I am being honest. It's so much easier that skirting around the issue.
It was my mother-in-laws birthday yesterday. She is turning 19! Well, not really of course. She turned 76, but she usually celebrates her birthday on the 28th. Tonight we are all going out to dinner to celebrate. I usually work Tuesday afternoons so would have missed out, so I've taken a sick day (I feel terribly guilty even though I have 100's of sick hours due). It is the only night all her 3 sons could make it, so it should be a good night. With the exception of my father-in-law, who has been in recovery for over 30 years, everyone will probably have a drink. It will be interesting to see how they react to me still not drinking. They know I have been having a break, but I haven't told them anything else. I think I will just play it by ear and decide when I'm there what I will say. I'm looking forward to a nice dinner with hubby's family.
So, yes. 100 days! I hope that one day in the future I will look back at this time and 100 days will seem like a drop in the ocean. But for now, it feels bloody good to be here. And to be feeling so positive about it. I think I have come a long way and getting stronger. I guess it shows that persistence pays off and that each time you fall off the wagon you learn something new about yourself and grow a little stronger.
Have a great day everyone!