When I used to drink, I wouldn't get a lot done. Every day I would regret another wasted day. Not tidying up the house, not going through the little guys closet and getting rid of all his old clothes, not going through my own wardrobe, not mopping the floors and the list goes on and on.
I would get up in the morning feeling tired and hungover, take the little guy to school and come back home and crawl back in to bed and sleep for a few hours. I would then get up, feel terribly guilty. Guilty for wasting half the day, guilty for being hungover, guilty for drinking again, just guilty for everything. Then before I knew it it would be time for school pickup, time to cook dinner and crack open the wine again. Of course the evening would be a write off too. I would stay up late, drinking a bottle or more and then wake up the next morning feeling shit again. Groundhog day.
When I gave up drinking 3 and a half months ago, I thought everything would change. I thought I would have boundless energy, not be tired anymore, get heaps of stuff done and miraculously become a morning person.
This hasn't happened!!
I still stay up late watching tv. We've been having problems getting the little guy to bed and to sleep early so by the time he nods off it's quite late and really late when our shows have finished. So of course I am tired in the morning. And I'm embarrassed to say, that I still sometimes go back to bed after school drop off. Then I hate myself for this. For still not getting anything done during the day, the tidying and sorting still not done. Floors still not mopped. Clutter still around. Uggh! I hate it!!
Even on the days that I don't go back to bed (which to my credit are more than the days that I do) I still sit around all morning on the computer and nothing gets done. And before I know it it's time for school pickup.
Why am I still like this?!
Take today for example. I got back from school pick up, had breakfast, then sat on the couch with the laptop and turned the tv on to have the morning shows on in the background. It is now nearly 2 pm and other than making the beds, I have done nothing other than be on the computer.
My plan this morning was to write in my blog, spend no more than an hour on the computer, then get up and GET STUFF DONE.
Instead, I found a new sober blog and before I knew it hours had passed and I still hadn't written in my own.
I so was to change this pattern. But how? I love my morning ritual of reading sober blogs (and catching up on facebook too of course!) but it's not working. I'm not getting anything done. I am so lazy and I don't want to be this person any more.