Tuesday 1 March 2016

Day 100 ... take 2

Today finds me at 100 days sober. I am pleased to say that I am in a much better head space than I was last year when I got to this stage. I was reading back through my post from back then (here) and I was in a real slump. Not sure if it was PAWs or not, but whatever the case, I was feeling miserable and I only lasted another couple of days before I started drinking again. This time around, I feel so much happier. I still have down days but not nearly as bad or debilitating. I feel positive this time and the thought of forever isn't quite so daunting. I am going to keep going, and hopefully I will become stronger and stronger, and get to know myself better.

Last Thursday night, we were having a bbq for dinner at the park with my friend C, her hubby and their son. It was another beautiful evening and I was happy drinking my diet coke. C and her husband had a few drinks and were very chatty, and it didn't bother me at all that I wasn't drinking too.  Don't get me wrong, I do have fleeting moments when I think a glass of something would be nice, but that's all they are, fleeting thoughts. I always think it through to the next morning and it's enough to keep me from having one (though we all know it would never be just one!) Anyway, as we were packing up to leave, C asked me if I'll ever have a glass again. Now normally, I would say something along the lines of yes of course, I'm just having a break, seeing if I will lose some weight or something along those lines. But this time I didn't say that. I told her I wasn't sure (I know, not 100% convincing but it's a start) I told her that I was going to keep going as I feel so much better. I also told her that if I'd had a glass or 2 with dinner, I would go home and have more and then I'd feel shit the next morning. And that was the problem, that I can't stop at 1 or 2. So, I am starting to be honest about the real reason I am not drinking any more. I even said to her that just because I am not drinking doesn't mean we can't go out together and have a good time. And she agreed.  So I am glad I am being honest. It's so much easier that skirting around the issue.

It was my mother-in-laws birthday yesterday. She is turning 19! Well, not really of course. She turned 76, but she usually celebrates her birthday on the 28th. Tonight we are all going out to dinner to celebrate. I usually work Tuesday afternoons so would have missed out, so I've taken a sick day (I feel terribly guilty even though I have 100's of sick hours due). It is the only night all her 3 sons could make it, so it should be a good night. With the exception of my father-in-law, who has been in recovery for over 30 years, everyone will probably have a drink. It will be interesting to see how they react to me still not drinking. They know I have been having a break, but I haven't told them anything else. I think I will just play it by ear and decide when I'm there what I will say. I'm looking forward to a nice dinner with hubby's family.

So, yes. 100 days! I hope that one day in the future I will look back at this time and 100 days will seem like a drop in the ocean. But for now, it feels bloody good to be here. And to be feeling so positive about it. I think I have come a long way and getting stronger. I guess it shows that persistence pays off and that each time you fall off the wagon you learn something new about yourself and grow a little stronger.

Have a great day everyone!

A x

18 comments:

  1. Huge congratulations xx And I do think that it's less stressful to get the truth out there, after a few curious questions, I found that no one takes much notice, but people are thoughtful enough to provide nice NA drinks when I visit - so it's a win-win xx

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    1. Thanks WB, hopefully I'm hoping once more people know the thought of telling people will be less stressful. A x

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  2. Huge congrats Angie! You're amazing! So proud of you for getting here! Huge hugs xxx

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    1. Thanks SM, I'm feeling pretty good. And congratulations to you on 1 year sober!! That is so awesome! I hope to follow in your footsteps. A x

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  3. That's awesome. I am so happy for you.
    Have you talked to your father in law? He might just have a interesting perspective on sobriety...

    I feel very similar to you. I know that if I had a glass of wine I would want more. I always did.

    And maybe i could control it, but I know it would steal the contentment I have worked so hard to find. And from there, I am afraid I would look back to the bottle for more than a little fun. I would be back looking at it to cope with life.

    Anyway. 100 days is wonderful. And it gets better. And better.

    Hold on to that sober momentum. It is hard won.

    Anne

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    1. Thanks Anne, I intend to hold on to my momentum. I have no desire to go back to hungover mornings and feelings of shame and misery. My father-in-law is a quiet man, with a different cultural background. I'm not sure I would feel comfortable talking to him about it. His family don't talk about his drinking days. But who knows, maybe as I get further along I might approach him. A x

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  4. Hi Angie! Hooray for you and 100 days! Fabulous! I like that you're starting to be honest with (some) people about this. I don't think there's any need to be confessional just anywhere, but I do think there's a kind of privacy vs vulnerability tradeoff that's worth making with people you're close to. Anyway. I'm just so pleased for you! Hope the dinner is super fun! We all know we don't need drinks for that! Big hug to you xo

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    1. Thanks Thirsty, it does feel good to be telling people. Although I haven't gone into a lot of depth yet, but it's a start. We had a fun time at dinner, lovely to have all hubby's family together. A x

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  5. Happy 100 Days, Angie!
    All the women above had good things to say!
    Do hold on to this 100 days.
    It is so much easier than starting all over.
    Hugs!!
    xo
    Wendy

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    1. Thanks Wendy, I am holding on to my 100 days with dear life. I don't want to back to the misery of daily drinking. Day 102 today! A x

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  6. Yay Angie! 100 days is ace and I'm looking forward to more of your posts to inspire me. So glad you're feeling good! Red xx

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    1. Thanks Red, I am feeling good. And it feels wonderful! I am hoping to write in my blog more often. It helps me too. A x

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  7. Well done Angie, 100 days is really awesome and I am glad this one feels better. You have worked hard for this but I get a sense you are more in touch with what is going on for you this time and for some reason I feel it will "stick" this time. I know you struggle to appreciate yourself but please recognise how well you have done and are doing.

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    1. Thanks Ginger, I am really hoping that it sticks this time. I am feeling a lot stronger than I was last time. You are right about struggling to appreciate myself, but it's something I am trying to work on. A long process but definitely worth it. A x

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  8. Awesome Angie! You go girl 👏🏻😀. You sound really positive & peaceful. Good for you! Very inspirational- thank you. Plugging along right behind you ☺️.

    Hugs,

    SR

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    1. Thanks SR, it's such a relief to be in a stronger place this time around. I guess you do learn something each time you try. How are things with you? A x

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  9. Congratulations! 100 days is awesome. xxx

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