So, we put the Christmas tree up on Friday night. A bit later than I'd have liked but it's up. Yay! But it was hard. Every other year when we have put the tree up it involves drinking wine. It's a bit of a tradition almost. I really noticed not having the wine. And then of course the wine witch was on my back and I was questioning my decision to stop now, at this time of year. There are so many triggers associated with Christmas, it's crazy!! Maybe I should not worry about it. I'm being silly doing this now, it would be so nice to have a relaxing glass of wine blah blah blah! It's relentless. And it's only going to get worse as we get closer to Christmas day.
Today is day 15. I'm slowly getting some momentum. But it feels fragile. I have to really concentrate to hang onto it. It feels like it could slip away at any moment. How do you gain true acceptance? I don't think I'm there yet. I know I'm not there yet. What can I do? I want this so badly but this little voice of doubt is always there in the background. Go away!!!
Christmas can be a stressful time of year. I haven't started my Christmas shopping yet and I am feeling really stressed about that. I have no idea what to get anyone. It doesn't help that no one has given me any ideas or lists. I wish it was like the old days when you just chose a gift and everyone was happy with what they'd been given. Now people have so much already that it makes gift buying so hard. It shouldn't be like this. I have to try and stay strong during this stressful period, but I'm nervous. I'm scared I can't do it.
We babysat my nephew/God son yesterday. His big sister had a dance concert (why it was at 10.30 on a Sunday morning I'll never know!!) and when my brother asked me if we could look after him I had a brief moment of resentment. Sunday is the only day of the week that I get a sleep in. Hubby gets up with the little guy and I get to sleep in before going to work in the afternoon. Of course, in the past I have been drinking wine (a lot of wine) the night before so a sleep in is very welcome. But then I thought, I won't have a hangover so it doesn't matter if I have to get up earlier. This time however, I was still tired (it seems to be a permanent state of affairs these days) but it was so much better than being hungover and irritable. And he is a little darling. I love him so much. So I was glad I could do this for my brother. And the resentment wasn't there at all. What a difference being sober makes!
A x
Oh boy do I relate to your post!! EVERYTHING about Christmas seems to be a trigger for me. I haven't put up my Christmas decorations yet, and I just might not do it this year because of how badly it makes me want to drink.
ReplyDeleteI totally understand what the Wine Witch is telling you right now...it's not a good time to quit, wouldn't it be better to quit after Christmas, this is the time of year for celebrating, and on and on and on! BUT, because this IS such a hard time of year, just think how how strong you'll be after staying sober throughout the holidays! If you can make it through Christmas, the rest should be easier, right???
You're doing great. Glad you got to enjoy your nephew!
Thanks DB. I did think about not having a tree this year but I couldn't do it. If it was just me maybe I could have. We CAN get through this Christmas sober. We can!! One day at a time. A x
DeleteRead back ago back and read what you wrote last December.
ReplyDeleteYou were at this same spot, questioning if this was really necessary.
I can't decide for you, but your blog tells me that it is. That the excessive drinking is slowly dragging you down. Like it did to m. Crushing my soul and seriously impacting my enjoyment of life. Without me even realizing it.
The holidays will be hard. You may have to lock yourself in the bathroom and cry. You may have to skip traditional events. You may have to stop your foot and be mad.
But after its done you will be amazed at how strong you can be. How much clearer life is. How all the things that seemed pointless and sad were actually being dulled by the booze.
Try a meeting. Call a therapist. Let go of the idea that you can drink. Reevaluate next Christmas.
For now, every morning wake up and resolve not to drink. No matter what. Eat chocolate. Drink coffee. Hug your son.
You will be gaining everything, and losing nothing.
Thanks Anne, your advice is spot on as usual. I will try and get to a meeting. Just not sure when. In the meantime, I will do this one day at a time. I read my post from last December and I'm embarrassed that I'm still struggling with this. It's time to change for good. A x
DeleteSometimes I feel loke you are my twin sister. Stolen at birth or something. Christmas tree decorating always involved drinking. And music. And fun. This year it was different. And a little sad. Because I was not drinking. We can get through this holiday season. No one says it will be easy. But when January comes, and we will look back at December, we will so proud of how far we've come. Hang in there. We can do it.
ReplyDeleteIt is sad. Or it feels that way now. We just have to change our mind set. I need to remind myself how I will feel if I give in to temptation. I will be miserable again and hate myself. It's time to break the pattern. We CAN do this! Bring on day 15! A x
DeletePS: I've been checking out wordpress too. I find it all overwhelming but I'm thinking of moving too. It feels more private somehow.
Please, don't be embarrassed. This is a serious thing. A real problem.
ReplyDeleteWe might be catching it before our bottom becomes too low, and that's awesome.
But the potential to lose more is always there. That is a real and honest truth. I don't want that for either of us.
Thanks Anne, you are so right. Day 16 today! A x
DeleteThis IS a hard time of year! I quit in the summer and that was hard too. I think there's always something that makes not drinking difficult, many seasonal triggers. You have a good momentum going at 15 days, so I know you can make it through from now til the 31st and bust out into the new year all sober and fabulous! Can you imagine how great Jan 1 is going to feel waking up without a hangover?? I can't wait!
ReplyDeleteThanks SB. I know I will feel so much better if I can make it through till the New Year without the booze. I CAN do it! I am taking each day at a time, but I will hopefully get there. A x
DeleteHi Angie!
ReplyDeleteI'm back!!
I quit in September, and quitting anytime is hard. There is always a reason to drink...but it helps nothing. It makes nothing better.
We think it does, but it's the alcohol lying to us!!
xo
Wendy