Friday 22 May 2015

Day 5

I sometimes struggle to write in my blog. I read so many interesting and well written blogs, and find them so helpful, but when it comes to my own, I struggle. Should I write something just for the sake of it or just leave it for another day? Should I delve into my past and try to resolve issues that have been festering for years? Should I write about what I did yesterday even if it wasn't anything exciting? I don't know. Sometimes words just escape me.

Maybe it's just because I'm tired. I'm still struggling with broken sleep and waking up really tired. I know this will eventually improve, but in the meantime I just feel shattered. I know going to bed earlier would help. It's just that the evenings go so quickly. By the time the little guy goes to sleep and hubby and I watch something on tv it's nearly midnight. What do other people with kids do?

We went out for dinner the other night. I had a diet coke and then a water. I've always loved going out for dinner. But the treaty part of it was always the wine. It's funny, because I drank wine every night at home, but it was somehow more special drinking when dining out at a restaurant. Now my perception is changing and I'm beginning to see that it's the going out for dinner that is the treaty part of it and not the drink. And it's the company you keep, and the conversation. So, that's nice. These occasions aren't boring without wine after all!

I ordered Ann Dowsett-Johnston's book and it finally arrived yesterday. I've only read a few pages, but it's interesting so far. I was thinking I might go back and read some of my other sober memoirs. I read quite a few of them last year when I was thinking about giving up alcohol, and may even been a bit drunk when I read some of them, so it would probably be helpful to go back and read them again from a different prospective. I feel like I've come a long way since last year and slowly but surely my mind set is changing. 'Forever' still scares me but not as much as it used to.

My sister-in-law was recently talking about the new Taylor Swift song that her daughter loves, and I realise that I've never heard it! I used to listen to the radio in the car all the time so would here all the new songs by popular artists. Now though, I listen to the Bubble Hour whenever I get in the car. I love it! It's my little secret routine and I find it really helpful. The girls and the guest speakers on the Bubble Hour are awesome!

Well, I've managed to waffle on about nothing really! Not sure if there is much point to it, but I guess it's good to keep blogging. I know in the past I've let my blog lapse when I think I am doing alright, and each time, I eventually started drinking again. So, this time, I'm trying everything I can not to do that.

Have a great Friday everyone!

A x


13 comments:

  1. Hi Angie, well done on Day 5. For what its worth I really like your blog, I am moving towards giving up alcohol permanently and over the past 8 weeks started following a few blogs, starting with the fabulous MWASD one . There are ALOT out there and it was blog overload so I have limited myself to 7! Yours is top of my list. You are honest and real and probably best represent the majority of us who really struggle with this and often just needing a break from the stresses of our lives and thoughts. I think we need to give up for the right reasons. Think about it. And do it for the right reason. I'm working on that and think peace and acceptance will follow from this. Keep blogging : )

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    1. Read Unpickled. Best blog out there.

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    2. oh man another one!! Yours is on my list too : )

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    3. Thanks Kats, that's so nice of you to say. There are a lot of blogs out there, but discovering them opened up a whole new world for me. Before that, I felt so alone and I thought I was the only person in the world who had this shameful secret. I find blogging really helps, so I will keep it up. Hopefully I will be reading yours soon. A x

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  2. Drink is an excellent book.
    Drinking A love story was my favourite memoir. It shook me.
    I go to bed when my kids do. I need my sleep. Most nights I sleep with my daughter anyway. Hubby snores. I hate it. Lol. I expect she will kick me out one day. But I am still basking in her 10 year old love.
    Write whatever you feel like. I write when something sparks my interest. I like o be able to go back and see how my thoughts have changed. I admit, if I had blogged in early sobriety they would have been full of uncertainty, anguish and fear. It is hard to get on this path. But by deciding to give myself a sober year I knew I was stuck with it for a while. That was my best decision ever.

    Take care. Have dessert instead of wine. It adds to the treaty-ness.
    Anne

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    1. I read Drinking A love story last year and it's definitely one I want to read again. My hubby snores too so I usually sleep in the spare bed in little guys room. I just can't go to bed when he does! But I will try and go earlier than I have been. Dessert is a good idea. I usually avoid it but now that I am not having all the calories from the wine I should have some! Have a great weekend. A x

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  3. It's hard as your kids get older to find the balance between getting them to bed early enough for you to have some adult time after or just giving up and going to bed too. I find I stay up too late sometimes cos I'm craving that bit of me time although it was more wine time before xx

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    1. It IS hard but it's something I'm going to have to work on. I used to blame drinking wine for being so tired all the time, but I'm still tired!! So I need to start looking after myself better. I'm looking forward to when I start to feel a lot better. And yes, evening me time used to equal wine time. It's so much better not doing that. A x

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    2. It took months of continuous sobriety for me to really get past the tiredness. Give it time. Take some extra vitamin B. And maybe magnesium before bed.
      You will feel better as time goes by.

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  4. Dear Angie,
    I understand about going out to dinner and wine.
    Now I look forward to the food, and dessert and coffee.
    Don't worry about what to write.
    I worry about the same thing, but the act of writing can clear our minds, and heal us.
    Hugs on Day 5!
    xo
    Wendy

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    1. Thanks Wendy. It's wonderful having all your support. A x

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  5. I don't have kids. So I am no help in this area. I go to bed early but for some unknown reason I am as tired as if I am still drinking. It blows my mind. I should feel better but instead I feel the same. Weird...
    As far as other blogs go - yours is one of my favorite blogs out there. You are real. You are raw and honest. Never worry if you have something to say or not. Write when you feel that you want to write. Your readers will be around no matter how often or seldom you write.

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    1. Thanks for your comment. It's so lovely to have your support. My blog is really helping me and I'm going to keep writing, even if I sometimes feel I don't have much to say. We are doing this together and we can do this! A x

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