Well, I guess you can gather that I succumbed to the wine witch. I am not proud of myself. But it happened, and I can't change it. I drank for 3 nights and felt lousy all weekend.
Not to go into all the gory details, but basically what happened is my friend C invited me and another friend G to her house for a girls night in. G has been really busy lately and C felt like she could do with a night out. So she asked us over for a night with Christian Grey (50 shades movie) and a glass or two of wine. Initially, I thought 'I can do this', and I had planned on getting a bottle of Edenvale sparkling grape juice. But then hubby got home from work in a foul mood and just like that I thought 'stuff it' and bought some 'real' bubbly. It's not hubby's fault. I think I was just looking for an excuse. The wine witch had been toying with me for several days and I let her reel me in.
So today, I am back on day 3. And I have signed up for Belle's 100 day challenge. It's a bit scary. What if I can't do it? I will feel like such a failure now that I have made a pledge. But I am determined to try. I need to do this. For me. I feel so much better when I'm not drinking. Alcohol is evil and is no good for me. This has been proven time and time again. I wish I had the courage to write up a list of the bad effects alcohol has had on me, but I'm afraid I'm too ashamed. Let's just say that there is a lot of shame and guilt over it, and it makes me feel ill just thinking about it.
I went to the doctor the other day and got my blood results back. Other than low iron and haemoglobin they were all fine. Thyroid was within normal limits, which is good, but I had convinced myself that it was under-active and that I would be given tablets to make me all better. So still in the dark as to what is causing all these symptoms. After doing some research, I think it might be adrenal fatigue. So I went to a health food shop and got some herbal tablets. Who knows if it will help, but it's worth a try. I also had hip x-rays done because I've had painful hips. They were fine too. The doctor said it could be ligament problems and that I should see a physiotherapist or osteopath. I'm relieved it's not arthritis and that it's hopefully fixable. I'm just so sick of feeling unwell all the time. I feel like such an old woman sometimes!
Anyway, that's where I'm at. Day 3 of 100. Wish me luck!!
A x
Quit telling yourself how hard it is. Instead tell yourself over and over how hard drinking makes your life. How if makes you impatient with your child, your husband, yourself. How tired it makes you. How guilty. How it fucks with your well-being day in and day out.
ReplyDeleteThen tell yourself that not drinking is so much easier, so much less baggage to carry on. So much quieter in your head. So much less extraneous bullshit.
Do the 100. Make your life easier.
So well put Kary May. I am going to try and turn my thinking around. Everything you said is so true and I don't want to be that person anymore. So, from today, I am going to start telling myself that not drinking is easier, and why. Thank you for your support. It helps so much. A x
DeleteI am glad you are doing Belle's 100 days. That helped me so much.
ReplyDeleteShe will support you every day.
It took me awhile to finally get it.
Alcohol made my life miserable.
Here is the list I made
https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=5496458200245645063#editor/target=post;postID=8111736954742767677;onPublishedMenu=posts;onClosedMenu=posts;postNum=119;src=postname
Called, My Bad List.
Hugs!!
Wendy
Thanks Wendy. It might be taking me a while to get it, but I so hope I do soon. Alcohol does make you miserable. I don't want to be miserable anymore. A x
DeleteIf you need support I am an email away. Belle is good, but there is lots of other help out there.
ReplyDeleteIf I told you all your health complaints were alcohol related would you believe me? Adrenal fatigue from taxing you system with alcohol? Painful joints from dehupydration? Headaches? Insomnia? Depression? Anxiety? Skin rashes. Pms? I could go on.
These were my health complaints. All resolved with sobriety.
My advice is to forget about trying to resolve any other health issue and just don't drink. See what happens. It is amazing.
Glad you are back. Don't drink. Period. Perhaps it's time to go to a meeting. Take all the support you can find.
Anne
Thank you so much Anne. I really appreciate your support. I have suspected that some of my health issues are health related, but when I have stopped drinking for periods of time in the past, they haven't gone away. Maybe I need to give it longer? I AM thinking of going to a meeting, but the thought of it is a bit overwhelming. I will keep thinking about it. A x
DeleteI signed up for Belle's 100 day challenge a week ago. So you and I are doing it. Let's keep each other motivated.
ReplyDeleteSobriety is hard. I do agree with all of the above, let's focus on positive: no guilt, no shame, no hangovers, no misery, great sleep, improved mood, better life.
Yes, let's be in this together. We CAN do this! I am really determined this time. I just hope I can stay that way. You are doing so well by the way. A x
DeleteWell done angie for getting back up and dusting yourself down ..... and Anne might be right about your health conditions but either way you can only feel better for not drinking and you can really assess whether drink is the cause... keep blogging :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you. I am looking forward to reaping the health benefits of not drinking alcohol. But I know it will take some time. A x
Delete