Saturday, 9 May 2015

Feeling positive

Day 2. It feels good to have day 1 over and done with. Sometimes that's the hardest day. Now I feel like I can get into the business of being sober and each day takes me further away from that last drink.

I am feeling positive about this. It feels different somehow, and I hope this feeling is here to stay.

You may have noticed I changed my blog template. I thought I would try something different. A new beginning. Not sure if I will keep it, but I'll give it a go for a while.

So, Saturday today. Having a lazy morning so far. It's hubby's day for a sleep-in, so I feel that I can write on here in peace. He doesn't know about my blog, and I'm not sure if I want him finding out. He knows I want to cut down on drinking and supports me when I have had my periods of sobriety. But he doesn't think I have an alcohol problem. And I have let him believe that. I have spoken about how I can drink too much sometimes, but because I can stop for weeks at a time, he doesn't think I have a problem. I know I need to change this. But not yet. I will just tell him that I want to challenge myself to quit drinking for 100 days and see what he says. I know I should be honest about this, but I'm not ready.

My son is in the background and has been asking me what I am doing. What are you writing about mum? I find myself getting irritated with him, for interrupting me, for intruding into this special place I have created just for me. But he doesn't know, it's not his fault. He is just curious as to what I am doing. I need to have more patience. Something I need to work on.

So, here I am. Day 2. And so glad to be here.

A x


  1. I'm glad you're here too, Angie x

  2. Replies
    1. Thanks Kats. I've been wanting to change it for a while but was a little unsure how to do it. I'll see how it fits over the next few days. A x

  3. Dear Angie,
    Hugs to you.
    I am so, so glad you aren't giving up.
    Do you have other support for yourself?
    (I want to change my blog layout, but I think I need an expert to help me!)

    1. Thanks Wendy, I am NOT giving up! I don't have much support, but I'm thinking of checking out a meeting. As for the layout, I'm not very tech savvy but I somehow managed to change it. Like I said above, I'll see if it fits over the next few days. A x

  4. Love the new template. I figured that day one calls for something new, a change. :)
    No one knows about my blog also. My husband never thought I had a problem even when I was violently throwing up in the bathroom after downing two bottles of wine all my by myself. He always told me that I was just having fun. His attitude bothered me. So I decided to have a place of my own, my blog, where I can openly talk about my problems with alcohol.
    Yay on day #2!

    1. Why don't our husbands see the pain we are going through? Do we hide it that well? I am finding my blog really helpful and all the wonderful support I'm getting from you guys is helping me so much. It makes such a difference. Is your husbands attitude still the same? A x

  5. I kept my blog secret for awhile, and my time on the message boards too. I don't recommend it, it cuts into time you can be using for recovery. I've been sober for almost four years and I've made great strides toward being totally open and honest. I was shocked about the inconsequential things I lied about. I've always had a problem about being assertive about the things I feel are important, and I really thought that when I quit drinking my marriage would fall apart. But it go to the point, I had to quit, even if it ended my marriage. It's been a struggle, my DH still drinks and that's hard, but he is also the biggest supporter of my sobriety. There is nothing to be ashamed of when a person quit drinking, there is everything to be proud of. Ask yourself why you're hiding it, why would your husband be upset that you are doing something that is good for you? Whether you're an alcoholic or not? Why would you let someone else have any control over this? I'm not judging you, I had to ask myself the same questions.

    1. I don't really know to be honest. Maybe it's because I am so used to bottling everything up inside and carrying the burden alone. Also, there are things from my past that my DH doesn't know about and I'm afraid for him to know about. I'm so used to keeping things to myself, it's scary to think about talking about them. I have been thinking of seeing a therapist as I think that would help. A x