So yesterday was Sunday. I work every Sunday afternoon and I didn't get the day off even though it was Mother's Day. Still, I had a lovely morning. I was spoilt with breakfast in bed and I got a lovely present from my son that he chose from the stall at school. To see the delight on his face when he gave it to me was so special. Mother's Day may celebrates what mothers do, but I think being a mother is the celebration (if that makes sense/!) I feel priveleged to be a mother and I am the one who should be celebrating.
Anyway, I got to work yesterday afternoon and had handover from the morning staff, and as usual, it was really busy. Also, I had to be in charge for the afternoon which I hate! As the morning girls were getting ready to leave, I heard them them talking about going for a drink. Beer o'clock is what they call it and it's a way to debrief and unwind after a particularly busy shift. I on the other hand, don't need beer o'clock. I am quite a bit older than most of my colleagues so would feel out of place if I went along to the pub. So what would I do? I would go home and because I only work afternoon shifts, it would be 10 o'clock at night and I'd crack open the wine and sit up till late and drink the whole bottle. Often I would have to drop into the late night bottle shop on the way home and I would always have to buy two bottles in case hubby wanted a glass too.
And this was supposed to make me feel better?! Help me to relax and unwind after a busy day? All it would do is make me tired and hungover the next day. But it was what I did for years. A busy day at work? No worries, have a wine when you get home and that will make you feel better. Perhaps the first glass did, but that's all. Or did it? Maybe I just told myself that to make it ok. To make me feel justified in drinking a whole bottle of wine at 10 o'clock at night. I deserved it after a busy day, my job is a very stressful and thankless one, blah blah blah...!
And you know what? Yesterday was shit. I was in charge of the ward and there was a situation that took up about 2 hours of my time that shouldn't have, and for a second I thought to myself, I need a wine after this. But then I thought, what would having a glass of wine achieve? It wouldn't change anything. By the time I get home, the shift will be over, I'll be able to put it behind me and relax and I DON"T need a glass of wine to do that. So I didn't. And I am so glad today. I have managed to get a cold (either off my son or from the flu injection I had at work yesterday) so imagine how much worse I would be feeling if I had had several drinks (because it would never be just one!)
So I guess it's a matter of changing your mindset. Telling yourself that having a drink isn't going to make things better or change anything. You will just feel worse in the end. But when I heard one of the girls, who was only about 21 or 22, say 'it's wine time', I actually felt sorry for her. That she feels like that already. Maybe she will stay a 'normie' and having one or two after a hard day at work will not progress into a problem but maybe it will? I hope not for here sake. But boy was I glad to be able to say to myself that I don't have to do that anymore.