Thursday 14 May 2015

An unwelcome visitor

I had a visit from the wine witch yesterday. She snuck in, tapped me on the shoulder and suggested something. And I have to confess, that what she suggested sounded appealing.

I was reading a fabulous blog called Viatoday and she was saying how she was glad her weekly 'anniversary' falls on a Monday because as "the Mondays multiply, at least I always have this to feel good about on Mondays – I made it through the weekend without drinking and added another 7 days to my total!"

Now, my weekly anniversary is a Friday. I didn't plan it that way, it just happened. And it hasn't been a problem. Until yesterday. You see, after I read this about Mondays, the wine witch pointed out to me that Fridays aren't a very good day to have as your weekly anniversary. It means that you will always have the weekend to follow and that this could possibly be a challenge. She suggested that perhaps I should start again, this time on a Monday. And it would mean I could drink again for a little while.

Well, I have to admit that this took me by surprise!! I've been doing really well, or so I had thought. And all it took was one small thought to let the wicked wine witch back in. I am not, by the way, going to to give in to her offer, but I have to be honest and admit that I did consider it for a second. But now I am worried that the seed has been planted, and that in weaker moments I might give in. Mondays do sound more appealing. In my previous attempts, Mondays and Tuesdays have been my day 1's. Perhaps Fridays aren't that great.

See?!!! This is the twisted thinking that has started now that the stupid wine witch has made her visit. And I can't seem to make her go away. ARGGHH!!

Some advice right now would be greatly appreciated. I am going to go and have a shower and try and think about something else. Will check in later.

A x

21 comments:

  1. OMG that twisted logic is so classically wine witchy! Think of it this way - Monday-versaries are for woosies! Strong girls pick a Friday! I've you've got a Fridayversary you can do anything! Plus, you get to celebrate with a Saturday hangover free morning the next day, and they are just the best things ever.
    You're doing great, Angie. Ignore the bitch. x

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    1. Thanks SM. I love a positive attitude! I am trying hard to ignore the bitch! But unfortunately she's hovering in the background :( But i'm trying to stay strong. A x

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  2. It wasn't a seed, it was a weed and you burned the sumbitch, it ain't there no more. I have no idea what day of the week I started absing on, I think maybe you should erase it from you memory and count every days as an anniversary. Good for you for telling the wine witch to hit the door. And don't let it hit her in the ass. (Sorry, she brings out the potty mouth in me.)

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    1. You're right Kary, it doesn't matter what the day of the week it is. It's just that evil voice trying to get me to drink. And don't worry, the wine witch makes me want to swear too! A x

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  3. You are amazing and you're doing great! I wish I could tell you how to shut her up, but I really like Kary Mays ideas. I say kick her in the ass!! : ) but don't be ashamed if she kicks you back. All we can do is keep trying ... Hugs!

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    1. Thanks Nic. I've been doing ok, but the wine witch is hovering in the background and getting louder. It's so frustrating! We have to keep trying and not give in! A x

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  4. Dear Angie,
    Why did you want to stop drinking in the first place?
    I always keep that in mind. I made a list of all the icky things that happened, and read it over and over.
    That being said, there was a time I had very strong urges, and kept giving in.
    Then, finally, after one last time, they started to go away and I could stay sober.
    I used to sit in the car and scream at the urges, with all the bad words! I love bad words! That helped too!!
    You are stronger than you think!
    xo
    Wendy

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    1. Thanks Wendy. I have a list in my head of all the icky things that happened when I was drinking. But then I tell myself that I'm not that bad anymore and all that stuff happened years and years ago and won't happen again. I do want to stop. It's just that when I do, I want to drink again. Just not as much. Why is this so hard?!!! A x

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    2. Can I ever relate to your wine witch... What a smart ass, fast talking little flirt she is. Shrug her off my friend. She's up to no good. Just another tactic to make you feel off centre and second guessing yourself. Stay close to the blogs my friend. Be strong. I'm right beside you holding your hand.

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    3. Thank you Deb. It's wonderful to have your support. It makes such a difference. I just wish I could silence that voice for good. A x

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  5. This is so hard because alcohol addoction is a cunning and baffling thing.
    Compulsive behaviour. Insane. Yet we still do it.

    Unpickled is right when she says you can't turn a pickle back into a cucumber. Once you recognize you have a problem, you do. And not drinking is the solution.

    No day is the wrong day. Stick with your sober momentum. Find support.

    If it was easy we wouldn't need sober blogs and AA.

    Anne

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    1. Yes, I think I am a pickle. I don't want to be one and I keep fighting that fact, but in the end, I'm going to have to accept it. Otherwise I will live in this limbo land forever. Maybe I should check out that AA meeting I've been thinking about. A x

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    2. No one wants to be. But wishing things were different never works.
      Check out the meeting. You deserve a life full of freedom and possibility.
      Drinking will not give you that.

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  6. Hi angie I've been reading your blog for a while now, your doing so well I hope I can be as strong as you one day in resisting the wine witch. Am on day 2. I have started a blog too you can find it at exploringsomethingelse@wordpress.com . Will continue to follow you ... keep it up xx

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    1. Hi! Well done on day 2. Keep going! I will check out your blog. I love having new blogs to read! A x

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  7. My first day always was Sunday. Right after I drunk a bottle or two on Saturday night. I always tried to take it easy on Sundays because I need to get up early on Mondays and go to work.
    I had a rough time last week. I always have it rough on the weekends. But I am saying to myself "not now, not today" and somehow it helps. Sometimes it does not help much but there is always hope that if I cam make through the most difficult part of cravings, I can make it that day without a drink.
    You are doing great. Remember: the wine witch did not win. You did!

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    1. Thanks. Unfortunately I'm not doing great. I will blog about it later. How are you going? A x

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    2. Oh how I wish we could get together and fight this thing together! So much in common!! I'm not doing all that great either and I feel like such a fraud. I say I want to be sober and I really do enjoy the feeling, but then I just want to drink at the same time. So frustrating!! Do you have plans for stopping? I'm thinking yoga and meditation this time around. I've also started therapy. It just takes more and more energy to keep trying, so I'm wishing you loads of it and can't wait to hear how you are doing in your next blog! xx nic

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    3. Yes, it's very frustrating Nic!! Sometimes it's tempting to just give up trying. But something always brings me back to wanting sobriety, so I won't give up. Yes, how good would it be to catch up. I don't have any sober friends here in Australia. Keep trying hun. A x

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  8. Hey Angie, sorry to hear you're struggling . Damn you wine making trying to trick you! I know that inner chat telling you it'll be Ok this time or you cam handle it...bah. Is There anyone you could talk to? Sending out some hug vibes! Mtts.

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    1. Thanks Mtts. I have just checked out your blog and will add it to my blog list. You are doing so well. A x

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