I'm still here

I haven't posted for a while, but I am still here!

My little guy is on school holidays for two weeks (today is the start of the 2nd week) and it feels wonderful to wake up in the mornings with no hangover, and to be fully present for him. I am still far from perfect though. I spend too much time on the computer. I could be spending more time cleaning the house. We could go outside more and go to the park. But I am not complaining. For once, I am just glad that I am sober and no longer stuck in the drinking cycle that kept me prisoner for so long. Day 134 today!

I know I should blog more often. It really helps. I just get out of the momentum and then I struggle with what to write. Today I told myself to write anyway, and see if the words come. So here I am!

We had a bbq dinner at the park on Friday evening. It was the last night of day light savings, so we thought we would make the most of our last evening of light. My friend C had been trying not to drink every night and hadn't had a glass of wine since Monday, so she was hanging out for a glass! She ended up drinking quite a lot and was quite tipsy in the end. She apologised to me the next day because she felt bad for getting so drunk. I didn't say much. I just said that I knew what that felt like which is why I am not drinking now. She even said that she had googled how to not binge drink. Then I began thinking "what if she stumbles across my blog?! What if she finds out I've been writing about her?" But I doubt she will. I don't think it's easy to find.

I wanted to tell her that I have books she is welcome to borrow, but something held me back. I might give it some time and see how she goes. I am sure she will tell me if she is worried about her drinking (although I think she already is a bit) But I know from experience how difficult it is to talk about it.

Her hubby made a comment about being jealous of me not drinking. I was going to talk to him about it more but we got distracted by the kids and the moment was gone. It might come up again another time.

I have this week off work! I know it's only a week but I'm so excited that I get to spend more time with my little guy. There is a Jurassic World exhibition we'd like to go to, plus the movies and we will definitely go to the park a few times. I am going to bake his favourite cookies this afternoon and go the library to borrow the books we have reserved. I want to make the most of this last week of school holidays and really enjoy some quality time with my son.

I had a few drinking thoughts last week. Not that I'm going to follow through on them. Just that it would be nice to have a glass of bubbles now and then. But the thing is, it is never a glass now and then. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Over and over again.

So I'm off to do something productive. I will try and post more often!

A x