Monday 4 April 2016

I'm still here

I haven't posted for a while, but I am still here!

My little guy is on school holidays for two weeks (today is the start of the 2nd week) and it feels wonderful to wake up in the mornings with no hangover, and to be fully present for him. I am still far from perfect though. I spend too much time on the computer. I could be spending more time cleaning the house. We could go outside more and go to the park. But I am not complaining. For once, I am just glad that I am sober and no longer stuck in the drinking cycle that kept me prisoner for so long. Day 134 today!

I know I should blog more often. It really helps. I just get out of the momentum and then I struggle with what to write. Today I told myself to write anyway, and see if the words come. So here I am!

We had a bbq dinner at the park on Friday evening. It was the last night of day light savings, so we thought we would make the most of our last evening of light. My friend C had been trying not to drink every night and hadn't had a glass of wine since Monday, so she was hanging out for a glass! She ended up drinking quite a lot and was quite tipsy in the end. She apologised to me the next day because she felt bad for getting so drunk. I didn't say much. I just said that I knew what that felt like which is why I am not drinking now. She even said that she had googled how to not binge drink. Then I began thinking "what if she stumbles across my blog?! What if she finds out I've been writing about her?" But I doubt she will. I don't think it's easy to find.

I wanted to tell her that I have books she is welcome to borrow, but something held me back. I might give it some time and see how she goes. I am sure she will tell me if she is worried about her drinking (although I think she already is a bit) But I know from experience how difficult it is to talk about it.

Her hubby made a comment about being jealous of me not drinking. I was going to talk to him about it more but we got distracted by the kids and the moment was gone. It might come up again another time.

I have this week off work! I know it's only a week but I'm so excited that I get to spend more time with my little guy. There is a Jurassic World exhibition we'd like to go to, plus the movies and we will definitely go to the park a few times. I am going to bake his favourite cookies this afternoon and go the library to borrow the books we have reserved. I want to make the most of this last week of school holidays and really enjoy some quality time with my son.

I had a few drinking thoughts last week. Not that I'm going to follow through on them. Just that it would be nice to have a glass of bubbles now and then. But the thing is, it is never a glass now and then. I have to keep reminding myself of that. Over and over again.

So I'm off to do something productive. I will try and post more often!

A x 

16 comments:

  1. Isn't weird when you are sober - to see other people's drinking habits? I went to a party over Easter, and a lady (who I've never met) seemed really interested in the fact that I wasn't drinking, and made a big thing about the fact that she didn't drink much - and then got completely hammered! It was like looking back at Me. Maybe your friend is at the stage where she is really worried, but tells herself that it's a big over-reaction, remember that inner dialogue? Isn't a relief to be done with that? Big congrats on Day 134 x

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    1. Yes I remember the inner dialogue very well! Such a relief not to have to worry about it anymore. I just wanted to tell you, I'm loving your podcasts! A x

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  2. Good to hear how you're doing! I love that someone was jealous of you not drinking. Now that's a twist!

    The old "glass now and then" story is one I still have to chase away. But I have to do it much less frequently, so that's something.

    Congrats on 134 days! xo

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    1. Thanks Thirsty, I'm hoping the glass now and then thoughts will disappear for good, but I suspect that might take a while. But I do hope they go away, I'm getting sick of them! A x

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  3. Hi Angie, nice to hear from you. It sounds like you have two friends starting to have a think about how much they consume. Maybe they will pursue it with you maybe not. The most important thing is YOU are still going strong. Try not to worry too much about all the other things you want to improve, that will come, just focus on not drinking. You are doing so well and I am very jealous of how far you have gone, keep inspiring all us day one and two'ers.

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    1. Thanks Ginger, I am trying not to be too hard on myself. It's just hard not to sometimes. Don't be jealous of my days, you will get there. Every sober day counts. A x

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  4. Hi Angie!
    Love that you have some time with the little guy!
    You are a great mom!!
    Staying sober is the best gift you can ever give him!!
    xo
    Wendy

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    1. Thanks Wendy, I guess I am a good mum. Not perfect, but good nonetheless. I need to remind myself of that sometimes. Being sober is my biggest gift to him, even if he doesn't know it. A x

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  5. Enjoy your time off with the little guy.

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  6. I thought I had posted... I just wanted to say yay you!
    Nice example!

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  7. I feel a bit jealous of you not drinking. Is that okay? :) in a good way, of course.
    Interesting friends. Keep us posted about them. I am wondering if they will keep on drinking.
    It is not easy to find our blogs. At least I hope so!

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    1. I remember feeling jealous of people who had more days too. But I am learning that I could be 5 days sober of 135, I still get whisperings from the wine witch. I'm hoping they will lesson with time.
      We get along really well with our friends. Our sons are best friends. I am determined not to let alcohol ruin our friendship (I don't think it will) Maybe they will learn from my example, who knows? When I googled how to live without alcohol the first blog I found was Mrs D's. Maybe my friend will find it too! A x

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  8. Congratulations to you! I've been quiet for a while and failing at moderating. Attempting day 1 yet again tomorrow. Reading your blog really helps me to feel not so alone.

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    1. Hi Ripley, great to hear from you. Moderating is impossible unfortunately. Giving up is hard but it gets easier, and much better than being filled with shame and misery. A x

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