I am so worried

I've spoken of my brother before, the one with the drinking problem. The alcoholic. It's funny, because I see him clearly as an alcoholic but just can't think of myself like that. I know I have a drinking problem, but I struggle to use that term for me. But it's just semantics really. I have a drinking problem and needed to stop. It doesn't really matter what I call it.

Anyway, by brother B had a hernia operation nearly two weeks ago. He told me he would go back to work after a few days, but I told him he would need longer than that. He said we'll see. I spoke to him last night and he told me he hasn't gone back yet and that work is okay about that. The problem is, I was talking to my oldest brother R recently (he lives close to B and sees him quite a bit) and he told me (in strict confidence, so not to tell B that I know) that he hasn't been to work in weeks. That the day he got out of hospital after his operation (it was a day case so he wasn't in overnight) he went home and started drinking. (R picked him up from the hospital and B went back to his place so he would have someone there if he needed help). Anyway, R told me that the next day B started drinking early in the day and ended up drinking about 15 or more beers!! It's like he hasn't even had an operation and he's continued to drink more than ever. And because he isn't working, he is drinking all day, every day. I was talking to R last night and we are really worried because he is going to lose his job. He is living off credit because he has no sick leave left and things are going to get even worse. R says he has already hit rock bottom but it hasn't stopped him drinking.


I was talking to R last night and I asked him if B knows he is in trouble. R said that he is fully aware but that he just drinks more to hide from the fact. When R tries to talk to him about it he says "what about you and A?" I said I don't know how he can compare himself to us, and R said that he does. That he thinks other people drink more than they do.

We are so, so worried about him. He also chain smokes and doesn't do any exercise. He is going to die young if he doesn't do something soon. He is single and has a 13 year old boy who he has 50/50 custody of, but he is not going to be able to keep that arrangement if he isn't careful. He will lose his flat and his job. He desperately needs help. R said he is going to talk to a guy he knows who is an AA counsellor, so hopefully he will give us some tips on what to do.

In a funny way, I compare myself to B. I think I am (was) not as bad as him. He is the real alcoholic. And I think I drank for longer because of this. But I WAS just as bad. I have a problem with drinking and that's all that matters. Whether you drink two glasses every night or a bottle or more, if you are powerless and it's making you miserable, you have a problem.

I told R last night that I know I drank too much which is why I gave it up nearly 5 months ago. This is the first time that I've told anyone that I've actually given it up, rather than just saying that I haven't had a drink for such and such a time. So in a way, that is progress for me.

I am so worried for my brother. He is killing himself. What can we do?

A x