I just want to thank all my wonderful sober blogging friends for the words of encouragement and support on my last post. Your advice helped me so much and reminded me that I can't go back to the way I was before. Today is day 145 and I never want to go back to the beginning again, which is exactly where I would be if I gave in to the wine witch and her wicked suggestions that it's ok to have a glass or two of wine on those 'perfect' occasions.
When I first started on this journey the thought of not drinking for 31 days (Dry July) seemed like an insurmountable challenge. But I did it! Then Ocsober and other months here and there. But it wasn't enough. So I signed up to do Belle's 100 day challenge, which I thought was the ultimate challenge, and in my heart I didn't think I would be able to do it. But I did that too! But always back to the drinking. Always the promise that having a glass or two was okay, that I would be able to moderate this time. But of course I never could. Now at 145 days, a number that in the early days seemed so far out of reach, I realise that it is still really early days.
I spent years, decades, drinking. I can't I expect to undo all that in a matter of months. I need to be patient, and give in to the process.
I am learning that I can't do this alone.
So, I've been listening to the Home podcasts lately and am finding them really helpful. I ordered the book 'This Naked Mind' and it arrived last week, so I will read that soon. I joined a private sobriety support page on Facebook which is really helpful too. And I have all of my sober blogs of course. All your help and support is invaluable, and I appreciate you all so much.
But I'm not sure if all that is enough. I would love to have some real life support. Be able to meet up with other sober people. I have been contemplating going to a meeting for a long time but am yet to get to one. I might consider it again. Not sure what is holding me back. Fear maybe? Of what?
In my heart, I know what I'm scared of. I'm scared that by going to a meeting, it will make it all official. That there will be no going back. A point of no return. And I'm not sure if I'm ready for that. But will I ever be?
A x
I crave real people as well Angie. No convenient groups in my area so I'm considering volunteering to facilitate one down the road. I have visions of walking in and everyone giving me a big hug. You are doing so well! I aspire to be 145 days old just like you someday!
ReplyDeleteGood on you Ripley! I'd be too scared to do that. It would be wonderful to have such a place to go to. I never thought I would be here. But if I can do it, anyone can! Keep going, one day at a time, and you will get there too. A x
DeleteHi Angie, my thirst (ha ha) for sober blogs has led me to yours from other blogs. Thanks for blogging and sharing - braver than me!
ReplyDeleteI am on Day 110 and also realise this is early days. I have read that 2 years is the next magic marker where things get easier again. So here's to making it there!
I have read the Naked Mind and it's a great book. More of the same you have probably already read but good in any case.
I too am looking for some real life connection. I don't have that many friends in the first place and these last few months I have cut myself off to make a Headstart in getting sober. At the moment I feel like I need that sense of friendship.
Who knows maybe one day us non drinkers will be in the majority! xx
Congratulations on day 110! That is awesome! 2 years huh? It seems like an eternity away! Let's hope and pray that we get there.
DeleteIt would be great for non-drinkers to be in the majority. But not sure if it will happen. There is such a strong drinking culture. It's sad. Thanks heaps for commenting. A x