I had last Sunday off work, so went on a little excursion into the city. It was just hubby, the little guy and me. We packed a lunch, jumped on a train and spent an afternoon being tourists in our own city. It was a lot of fun!
We ended our fun day eating our packed meal by the Yarra river, watching rowers going back and forth and people walking by.
It was a beautiful Autumn afternoon, sunny and warm. I said to hubby, this is the perfect occasion for a glass of wine, and he agreed with me. And it was. I sat there, drinking my diet coke, thinking in the old days, we would be sharing a bottle of wine or champagne and it would have been perfect.
But the reality is, whilst it may have felt perfect at the time, it wouldn't have been really. Because I would have gone home feeling mellow and relaxed from a lovely day out, and spoilt it all by drinking another bottle of wine and waking up the next day feeling hungover and filled with shame and misery.
But I can't shake those feelings of missing out. Of those 'perfect' times for a glass of wine. I feel sad that I can't do that anymore.
And then of course I start to think 'I wasn't that bad really'. Anyway, I know now what I have to do to not be that bad anymore. And I know this is all bullshit.
Because I can't go back and have a glass of wine. For me, there is no perfect time. But will these feelings ever go away?
I've been thinking ahead to October when we will be going on our annual holiday to a resort in the sun and already I'm feeling sad that I won't be able to drink. This is ridiculous! It's 6 months away! Why am I worrying about this now?! Besides, I will be almost 1 year into sobriety by then so hopefully it won't be an issue. But I can't shake these feelings.
I am committed to not drinking. I have signed up for 180 days (am on day 144 - I think) But I'm scared that my resolve is waning. And I'm scared that I'm feeling like this after so long. I feel like I'm in the early days again.
Why?
I want to be happy and confident in my sobriety. Not full of doubts. I know this is probably the wine witch talking but I can't help it.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
A x
Hi Angie!
ReplyDeleteIt's natural to feel this sometimes.
Remind yourself that alcohol is a liar. It wants you to think you can only have fun when you are drinking. It's a thief...it takes away time.
Each night list some things you are grateful for.
Each morning be proud of yourself for waking up with no hangovers.
No regrets.
Be happy with the freedom not drinking brings!!!
Hugs!!
xo
Wendy
Hi Wendy,
DeleteThank you for your advice. I WILL tell myself that alcohol is lying to me and is just trying to get me to drink again. I am not going to listen to it! I like the idea of a gratitude list. I will give it a try. A x
Hi Angie. I'm not much with advice, but I can talk about my own experience and that might help a little. I know exactly the doubt you're talking about. I also think it goes away after a while. But for me I couldn't just pretend I wasn't missing something when I was. Instead, I did what you are doing here. I said, yes, I'm missing out, but I'm missing out because I know I can't just have that small bit of wine. But--I was just talking with a friend about this--for me something really important has shifted recently, and I don't feel I'm missing out anymore. The other day I was sitting on a patio with my husband sharing a late night bite and drink, except the drink was sparkling water, and I realized I genuinely didn't miss having wine at all, and the event was every bit as good for having the water, or even better, because (as I realized at the time, and as you realized here) wine would have just made me go home and get drunk. As it is, we had a lovely evening without anything taking away from that. For me, I've been back and forth on the drinking and not drinking thing over a few years, as you know, but I do now see that drinking doesn't offer me anything, and the romance it pretends to offer is something I already have i my life, and it's not the wine's gift to offer me. Sorry, I'm not sure whether that sounds too convoluted. Maybe what I mean is, I had to accept the doubt and sadness and stick with it, because those feelings do eventually pass. That's my thoughts, for what they're worth. Glad you're still here talking about this! xo
ReplyDeleteThank Thirsty. You are so right. Drinking doesn't offer us anything. It is all a lie. Maybe it's ok to mourn the loss for a bit and then hopefully I can move on completely. I don't know. I just wish that voice would go away. Hopefully this feeling will pass for me too. A x
Deleteome trick I learned is to talk back to the voice. I just say, you know you don't want a glass, you want all the glasses of wine. One will never do. Silly Anne. Life is too free sober. Let's have a nice coffee with real cream instead.
DeleteIt helps me. I try to be as gentle and kind to myself as possible.
Hi Angie! We all get those missing out woes from time to time, but they get less frequent over time! After a year, I hardly ever get them. When I do, I remind myself that that 'one glass' I'm missing never cut it for me anyway. One glass was never enough. I always drank too many..... You're doing brilliantly! Xxx
ReplyDeleteThat's it isn't it? It would never be one or even two glasses. The night would always end with a bottle or more and there is nothing glamorous or romantic about this. I have to keep reminding myself of this. A x
DeleteAngie I think the 5 th month is the tough one. I had thoughts just like you on day 138 and did have a drink. Within a month I was back to what I had been drinking before and have now spent ONE YEAR trying to get past 5 days. You wish you could have a drink and I wish I could not have a drink. Don't be like me please. Go to Mrs D's website and look at Month 5-Stripped, and you can see she is having similar thoughts to yours. It is just a little hump in the road and you are doing oh so well. you have given yourself the most amazing gift over the last five months so stop wishing you had a lump of coal thinking it is a diamond. Sending you a big hug and a sincere hope that you can recall all the tines you felt dreadful and wishing you were free from the monkey on your back. Be strong my friend.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for your comment Ginger. It puts me back in my place and certainly has me thinking. I don't want to go back to how I was. I know in my heart that I would be back to drinking a bottle a night in no time and it is just not worth it. Thanks for the hug. Sending one right back at you. A x
DeleteI am going to sound like an old overused cliche. Go back to the moment and think about what made that moment perfect? Surroundings, people, weather, feeling content and relaxed. Wine had nothing to do with this. Your habit of drinking during moments like this bruoght back your want to drink. But wine in itself would not make you happier. If anything you are right, you would want more and the ending would be the old usual hungover and misery. Not worth it! Enjoy the moment. Live in it. Without wine. My new mantra. :)
ReplyDeleteIt's not a cliche, it is so true. I know this and yet I still let these thoughts creep back in. I like your new mantra. I'm going to adopt it! I know wine won't make me happier, only more miserable. It's time to knock some sense back into myself! A x
DeleteHugs
ReplyDeleteI think wine would have Taken you out of the pretty moment and into your head. It would have dulled the fun. And, if you mean a few sips of wine, what were they adding that anothe drink you like didn't.
You are teaching your son you can have a beautiful family day and booze isn't necessary.
Of course you will question yourself. I remember wondering if now that I was much more aware, had dealt with my depression, etc could I drink. But I have decided the risk of going back where I was is too great.
Because people do go back. My good friend had a year of sobriety and is now back at day 5 after many many months do trying. She is so smart, and competent and successful.
None of us are immune. Once we see there is a problem, there is.
Hugs. Keep doing what you are doing.
Anne
You are right of course. It wouldn't have made the moment better. It would have dulled the moment not enhanced it. I am going to take these stories of people going back after long breaks on board and learn from them. Because I don't want to go back! A x
DeleteI'm with Groundhog Girl on this. I had no where near her sober days built up but it literally took me one week to get back to previous levels and worse. I am still part of my moderation group and I watch people abstain for months again and again, then they moderate successfully for a while and then they totally disappear. Disappearing means that they are suffering again. I share your concern about vacation. I am going to Mexico with my family in June (I have a 9 year old too! and an 11 year old). Last year, I had drinks morning noon and night. This year, I just don't know how I'll manage. But, it's too early to worry. We can do this Angie! Thank you for sharing where you are at right now with us. It helps a newbie like me to know what is ahead. I knew it couldn't be all pink clouds all the time :-( Big hugs!
ReplyDeleteYes Ripley, we CAN do this! Let's not think of our future vacations and concentrate on now. Take it one day at a time. I don't want to disappear again and then have to start all over again, because that is exactly what would happen. Thanks for the hug and sending you one back. A x
DeleteKeep at it. When the time comes you will be sharing caked how amazing sober vacations are.
ReplyDeleteWe were on a heavy metal "booze cruise" this year and watching some people drink I only felt sad for them. It seems tiring.
The pink cloud is always there, it just goes behind the moon occasionally. Honestly.
I LOVE that Anne! I'm going to right it down and put it in my wallet along with the other words of inspiration I have written down and put in there. I love that you are going to your concerts. They sound so much fun! A x
Delete