Saturday, 11 July 2015

What was I thinking?

Last night, before we went out to dinner, my husband told me that he wasn't going to drink. I said to him "go on, you can have a drink. I'm driving" Then he told me that he hadn't had a drink all week and that he might not drink for a month. And do you know what I said? "Why? You don't drink that much. You're ok" or something like that. And the funny thing was, instead of feeling proud of him for considering it, I felt funny about it. And I'm not sure why. It's like not drinking is MY thing. It's MY special thing. If he does it too, it might make it less so. I don't know what's wrong with me! I should be really happy he wants to do this. I will have to have a think about this, work out why my reaction was the way it was. And if he brings it up again, I am going to support him. I mean, what the hell?!! What was I thinking?!

Anyway, he ended up having a couple of beers. One of them got knocked over and he said it was a sign that he wasn't supposed to drink that night!

I made sure I had a diet coke on the table before my friend C arrived, just so she could see that I wasn't having wine. She asked me if I was still not drinking and I said yes, and that was that. I think she realises that I'm serious about it. At one point she was admiring my ring and I told her that I treated myself, that it was a gift to myself for being AF for 30 days. She said that was great. And then I told her that I'm not drinking because my endometriosis is bad again and alcohol is a no no. And that is actually true. I hadn't thought of that before. It's true, and it's a perfectly valid reason to be not drinking. She had a few sparkling wines and it didn't matter that I wasn't drinking. We had a great night, great conversation and I didn't feel like I was missing out at all.

Have a great weekend.

A x


  1. Maybe it's something about you not having the specialness of being the one giving it up. There's something about when you give up and you treat yourself really nicely, and treat yourself and give yourself a break (for maybe the first time ever). Then if someone who you don't see as having a problem comes along and just 'gives up' willy nilly it can feel a bit miffing that it's not just this really cool, special thing that just you can do??? I'm waffling I know but I know that's how I'd come at it!!

    1. You're not waffling, you are spot on. I think another thing too is I don't get why you would want to stop drinking if you don't have to!! Drinking alcohol is so ingrained in our culture that we think it's abnormal when someone doesn't want to drink. It's crazy!

  2. I get it. Sometimes I think having my husband be sober too makes it less my thing.
    But that's crazy. It's a good think for both of us.
    I encourage you to tell your husband what you were thinking. This is a great opportunity for real communication.
    And seriously consider his support in being alcohol free. It is easier to not sit and watch someone else drink for a while.

    1. You are right Anne, should talk to him. I am slowly opening up to him about my drinking but I have a long way to go. He has no idea of the torment I went through or how bad it really was. I guess because he doesn't have a problem. Hopefully as time goes by I will be willing to talk openly about my problem. It will take time though.

    2. It totally takes time. I'm still trying to explain my thoughts and feelings after 19 months. As I understand myself more, I share more.
      And I gave craig the link to my blog. That was scary and hard, but I want him to understand how desperate and out of control I felt. And to know just how great I feel now.

      Over time he shares more too. And is willing to tell me some parts of his concerns about me. I almost died when our son was born, and I clearly had PTSD and then again with our daughter,

      Then she was a sick baby, in and out of the hospital. And I slowly deteriorated. I know.

      Time is the way to do it. Take small opportunities when they arise.

    3. That must have been hard for you and your husband.
      I like the thought of taking small opportunities as they arise. I've kind of been doing that, but only touching the surface. Not about really personal stuff. I think I've pushed it so far down that it's going to take a long time to deal with it all. But I've got time. And hope. Not drinking gives me hope.
      A x

  3. My husband stopped drinking to support me, and I love it.
    He had no problem with drinking.
    It makes things easier not to have to worry about alcohol in the house.
    His friends thought it was strange he won't even drink at poker games, though!
    Maybe he really doesn't like the way it dulls him.
    Or maybe he sees how happy you are!

    1. It must have been a huge help having your husband stop when you did. His commitment is admirable, especially as he didn't have to quit. He is a keeper that one!