Thursday 16 June 2016

My DUI story

Eighteen years ago, I got a DUI. It is something that I never talk about, because it is something to be ashamed of. I have buried it down deep inside of me and think of it rarely. But lately, as I have been trying to piece together my story, I've been thinking about it. And I thought I would share it here.

It wasn't my fault of course.

Towards the end of my university degree, my then boyfriend and I went to one of his colleagues 40th birthday party. This guy and his wife, whilst they were older than us, were quite good friends of ours. I was 30 years old at the time.

Anyway, over the course of the night, I drank more than half a bottle of bourbon on my own. At the end of the night, my boyfriend and I did the right thing and got a cab home. Unfortunately, on our return home I realised that I had left my handbag, along with the house keys, back at the party. Thankfully the taxi was still there so we got back in and went back and got my handbag.

So we got home and inside, and understandably, my boyfriend was really pissed off with me. He was pretty drunk too. The next thing I know, I'm being pushed into the wall and I hit my head on the corner of the wall and it starts bleeding. (I will point out here that this is not the first time that he had been rough with me)

I started to panic and was too scared to be in the house with him, so what did I do? I got in my car, and I drove to the police station!!

I don't really know what I was thinking. The only thing I think I was thinking, was that once before when my bf had been abusive, I had done the same thing. That time, the police had driven me home and been really sympathetic. They had spoken to my bf and given him a warning. So I think I thought the same thing would happen again. Clearly, my thinking was all over the place.

Anyway, I managed to get there in one piece and not harm anyone else along the way (which to this day I am so thankful for. I hate to think how I could have hurt myself or someone else).

I didn't get a lot of sympathy this time. It was a few years after the first incident so I'm guessing that the policeman on duty had no idea of my previous visit. Anyway, they wanted me to charge my boyfriend, but I got scared. I was too scared of what he would do to me if I did, so I refused to do it. They told me that if I didn't charge him, they would have no choice but to charge me with drunk driving.

By now I was panicking. I couldn't lose my license! I had clinical placements coming up for my uni course and had no way of getting there if I didn't have my license!

I thought of one of my uni friends. Her husband was a policemen, and whilst he didn't work in this town, he would know a lot of the police there. So I rang her (it was the early hours of the morning by this stage) and she kindly came in a couple of hours later. And even though her husband did know some of the people who worked at this particular police station, it didn't make an ounce of difference.

I was going to lose my license.

My friend drove me home. It was so nice of her to drive the 30 minutes from her town to help me, and I was so embarrassed. But I was angry too that the police didn't let me off. How dare they charge me?!

I crept inside and went to sleep in the spare bed. I told my boyfriend later in the day and I was so pissed off with him because it was all his fault. I can't remember what he said but I do know that he wasn't very sympathetic and I don't think I got an apology for the abuse. I think he just thought he was pissed and he shoved me, no big deal.

In the end, I was able to drive for a month before the 12 month loss of license kicked in, so I was able to drive to my placements at one of the local hospitals. Then after that, I would ride my bike to uni and wherever I needed to go. I told my employer that my car had broken down so couldn't drive to work, so a colleague who lived near me would pick me up and take me to and from work. It never occurred to me to drive without a license (I know a lot of people do this).

I had to pay a fine, and lost my license for 12 months. I never told my mum. I drove up to mums a few days after and my brother came with me. I had a bruise above my eye which I covered up with makeup. I think I told my brother but it's something we never talk about, so I can't really remember!! I know I told my older brother because he drove my car a few time for me when he was visiting.

I used to be so resentful of my bf. I used to blame him for it. If he hadn't been violent and pushed me, it would never have happened. Which may be true, but I have learnt over the last few years to look at it properly and to own my part in it. Yeah, he pushed me, but I shouldn't have driven drunk. I could have hurt someone.

So that's my shameful story. You can see why it's something that I never talk about. But it is a part of my story. And it's an important one.

Do you want to know why? Because it changed my life. For the better.

When I finished uni, I had to do a graduate nursing year. We had to pick 4 hospitals and go through the interview process. So I chose 3 country hospital and one the big city, 3 and a half hours away. With public transport being non-existent in the country, I told my boyfriend I would have to go the hospital in the city. There wasn't much he could say as I didn't have a licence and wouldn't be able to get to work if I chose one of the hospitals in the counry.

So I moved to Melbourne, and would visit him when I had a few days off in a row. Towards the end of my 12 months there, I had to go to drink driving school and then go to court to get my license back. For another 12 months (or was it 3 years? I can't remember!!) I had to have zero alcohol in my blood when I drove.

And at the end of my graduate year, I told my bf that I would not be moving back to the country with him. I was going to stay in Melbourne, and we broke up.

So you see, it was the best thing that could have happened to me in a way. If I hadn't lost my license, I would have stayed in the country and would probably still be with him. God knows what my life would be like now.

I still ended up with a drinking problem. But at least I got married and had my beautiful son.

And now I can really start to know myself. Find out who I am. I am on a journey of self discovery and it's the most important journey of all.

A x


26 comments:

  1. Thank you for sharing your story Angie. I firmly believe that the journey we each take in life puts us on the path we need to be on. I'm sorry that your bf at the time was abusive. I'm sorry you got a DUI. BUT, I'm happy that it took you down the path to where you are today!!! xo

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    1. Thanks Sa53, I'm very glad to be here and have you as a friend A x

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  2. Thanks for sharing that. I had a car accident after I was drinking and driving - only me and my car damaged, and I didn't get charged. But it's an incident I am deeply ashamed of. And I wish I could say that I stopped drinking then. But it took several years before I quit. But here we are. xxx

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    1. It's amazing how something so shocking to us can happen and yet we still keep on drinking years and years! If only we'd stopped then our lives could be very different. So glad we are here now though. A x

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  3. I'm glad you didn't stay with someone who pushed you around and that you moved on to a better life. And that you're sober now so you can get to know yourself properly xx

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    1. Thanks IH, I am so glad to be sober now. It is many many years after I should have stopped, but I am here now and that is all that matters. A x

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  4. I loved reading this Angie. Thank you for sharing it. I hope that writing it out helped to relieve you of some of your shame. I see it as part of your beautiful life journey. Certainly a hard trial but part of what makes you the amazing person that you are today.

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    1. Thanks Ripley, that's lovely of you to say. It is a part of my journey and I can't change it. So thankful to be here now and having you as my sober friend. A x

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  5. Luckily no one was hurt and in hindsight it's probably saved you years of abuse. All in all a good outcome.

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    1. Yes, very lucky no one was hurt! It makes me feel ill when I think about it. A x

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  6. Thanks for sharing this Angie - and we've all got things in the closet from our drinking days which we're not proud of. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and it's great that you turned this around and you're where you are today :-) Red xx

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    1. Hindsight is a wonderful thing! But I can't change what happened. Now I am trying to deal with my past so I can truly move on and be happy. A x

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  7. This episode does not define you and even at the time it didn't define you it was something that happened and you have learned from it and grown as a person. You would not be the person you are today if that had not happened. Like Red said we all have things in our past we would rather not have happened but no one here is judging you for it and I would say most people here have drunk under the influence whether it be at night or in the morning. Forgive yourself this now, you have opened up about it and shone a light on it and survived now let it sink back into the memories.

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    1. You are right Ginger. I would not be the person I am today if this incident didn't happen. I am learning to forgive myself for my DUI but I am having a lot of trouble forgiving myself for other things. It's something I have to work on. A x

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  8. Thank you for sharing your story.
    The freedom of owning our past, and forgiving your younger self for your mistakes, is amazing.
    Hugs
    Anne

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    1. I really want to be able to move on from my past as it is holding me back. I am having a lot of trouble forgiving myself and am filled with a lot of shame. Thanks for the hug. A x

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  10. I've been sober for 3 years, and when I went out, and crashed and burned again after 10 years of sobriety I felt like complete shit, after a few months of wallowing in self pity I told myself that I needed to let go, forgive myself and move on. Forgiving yourself is all you can really do.

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    1. I can't imagine being sober for 10 years and then relapsing! But I know it happens. I guess that's why we have to always be vigilant. Good on you for getting back on the horse and moving on. You must be so strong. A x

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  11. Oh Angie,
    I should have had many DUI's as I drove drunk many times.
    I too am so vey very thankful I never hurt anyone.
    I am so glad you were able to leave the abusive bf.
    I had to look at my past, say I was sorry to myself and my family, and move on.
    You are too!!
    xo
    Wendy

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    1. I really want to learn how to move on. I have been gong meetings and people talk about the steps. I'm thinking that it's something I will need to do in order to forgive myself and move on. Hopefully I can do it. A x

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  12. How brave of you to share this. So glad you are past the abusive relationship and drinking. I wonder, did you ever consider hiring a lawyer to help in the case? There may have been something a trained attorney could have done to get the charges dropped considering the circumstances for why you were driving in an inebriated state.

    Leticia Holt @ KHunter Law

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    1. It was a very long time ago. I have had my license back for many years. A x

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  13. I agree with many above. This experience changed your life and probably saved your life and maybe others. Any of us could have been you probably at one time or another. Please forgive yourself and thank you for sharing. Experiences like this are a part of us but they don't define us.

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  14. Wow, that sounds like an absolutely impossible situation. I feel sorry that you had to go through that. It's an eye opener for people who just automatically assume that anyone with a DUI or DWI on their record is some criminal drunk. That's usually not the case, just good people put into really difficult situations.

    Stephanie Waters @ Chastaine Law

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  15. Your story points out that when we make bad decisions, we tend to make several of them. The drinking, choosing the type of guy who would get 'rough' with you and that this hadn't been the first time, etc. Even driving there to the police was a horrible decision. In the end you learned from these mistakes though, and that is what makes it so wonderful that you shared!

    Joanne Krueger @ Kurtz And Blum

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