Today finds me at 100 days sober. I can't believe how quickly the time went. Life carries on just the same (only better of course) when you aren't drinking alcohol. It really is possible. You can go out to dinner, attend social functions and get through birthdays without wine. Who knew?!
I'm sorry I haven't blogged over the last few weeks. I've been in a real slump. I don't know if it's related to not drinking, ie PAWS, or if it's related to the stress in my life (which is a whole other story for another day) but whatever is causing it, I just can't seem to snap out of it. I've even been considering seeing a doctor and asking for medication. I just don't want to feel like this anymore. It's unbearable. It's like I have a dead weight sitting on my chest and I just feel sad all the time. It's awful!
I have signed into my blog countless times to write but the words just don't come. I just don't have the energy. Which is a shame, because I'd like to have had a record of the whole 100 days.
So where do I go from here? I don't know really. I've been grappling with forever all along and I'm still struggling with it. I do know however, that I don't want to go back to how I was before. Even though I am feeling down I'd rather feel down and not drinking every day than to feeling down plus being hungover and living with shame.
I guess I am all over the place really. I just wanted to let you know that I've managed to not drink for 100 days and I can't quite believe it! 100 days seems endless when you start out on this journey, but it really isn't that long. It's just the blink of an eye really.
My son has been sick the last couple of days with a UTI and he was up to the toilet every hour overnight. And I am so thankful that I wasn't drinking. I have been tired but it's manageable, and I've been able to be fully present for my son in his time of need. I dread to think how it would have been had I been drinking every night, hungover and miserable and resentful no doubt.
Like all problem drinkers, I have many unpleasant drinking stories that have occurred as a result of my drinking. I don't ever want to forget these stories. I want to remember them as a reminder of what I never want to go back to.
I want to keep blogging. Whatever happens over the coming weeks, I want to have this place to can come back to.