Sunday, 27 December 2015
Summer triggers
I have had a lovely day with all my family. Spent a few hours down at the public pool. Now we are back home and of course it's the perfect time for a wine. It's funny, when I was drinking I wouldn't have one until at least 6pm or until we had dinner. Now suddenly, there are so many triggers. So many imagined perfect times to have a wine. And I have these thoughts of why not? No one would care. But I guess I would. I've come this far, it would be silly to spoil my efforts now. So please remind me of why I am doing this!
Saturday, 26 December 2015
A sober Christmas
It's now Boxing Day and I am still sober!
Yesterday was lovely. I felt all warm and fuzzy being with all my family. Sharing a beautiful meal and giving and receiving presents. Watching the joy on the children's faces. Spending the rest of the day relaxing and chatting, our bellies full and content. But there were moments of longing for wine. Moments when I thought 'stuff this. It's Christmas after all'. No one would question it. But I had told my family I'm off the grog for a bit so I would have to explain myself if I did. So I had a few moments of sulking to myself. I said to my younger brother (the sensible one) that I felt like one and he said no one would care if I did. I said it to my husband too. And he said I would feel shit in the morning and it wasn't worth it. I felt a bit of resentment towards him for not saying 'go on then, it's Christmas!' So I carried on with my caffeine free diet coke and somehow it was all ok.
It was a beautiful evening. Clear skies and a bright, full moon. We were sitting outside in our paddock next door and it was the perfect night for a glass of wine (or 4!) But I didn't drink. I thought not today. It was still a beautiful evening with clear skies and a bright full moon even though I wasn't drinking. And somehow it was all ok.
So yes, today is Boxing Day and I woke up without a hangover. I feel so good about that.
I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and are having a lovely Boxing Day too.
Day 34.
A x
Yesterday was lovely. I felt all warm and fuzzy being with all my family. Sharing a beautiful meal and giving and receiving presents. Watching the joy on the children's faces. Spending the rest of the day relaxing and chatting, our bellies full and content. But there were moments of longing for wine. Moments when I thought 'stuff this. It's Christmas after all'. No one would question it. But I had told my family I'm off the grog for a bit so I would have to explain myself if I did. So I had a few moments of sulking to myself. I said to my younger brother (the sensible one) that I felt like one and he said no one would care if I did. I said it to my husband too. And he said I would feel shit in the morning and it wasn't worth it. I felt a bit of resentment towards him for not saying 'go on then, it's Christmas!' So I carried on with my caffeine free diet coke and somehow it was all ok.
It was a beautiful evening. Clear skies and a bright, full moon. We were sitting outside in our paddock next door and it was the perfect night for a glass of wine (or 4!) But I didn't drink. I thought not today. It was still a beautiful evening with clear skies and a bright full moon even though I wasn't drinking. And somehow it was all ok.
So yes, today is Boxing Day and I woke up without a hangover. I feel so good about that.
I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and are having a lovely Boxing Day too.
Day 34.
A x
Thursday, 24 December 2015
Merry Christmas everyone!
Christmas Eve!! I can't quite believe it! We arrived at mum's place yesterday and will be here for 8 days. It is so good to be here. All my 3 brothers will be here with their families, so the kids are going to have a ball too! I am looking forward to a happy and sober week, sharing good times with my family.
I just wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful and safe New Year! I will be a bit quiet over the coming week but I will try and log in from time to time. I will be thinking of you all and look forward to getting back into blogging after the New Year (if I don't get a chance to blog before then).
Today is day 32 and a sober Christmas is within my reach!
A x
I just wanted to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a wonderful and safe New Year! I will be a bit quiet over the coming week but I will try and log in from time to time. I will be thinking of you all and look forward to getting back into blogging after the New Year (if I don't get a chance to blog before then).
Today is day 32 and a sober Christmas is within my reach!
A x
Saturday, 19 December 2015
Dinner and the theatre
What a day yesterday!! Braved the shops again and got a bit more Christmas shopping done. Had the little guy with me again. I have to say, he was very well behaved. And I had a waxing appointment that took over half an hour and he waited for me patiently (having my iphone helped!) And it was 40 degrees (104 F) !! The heat makes you so hot and bothered. I found myself yelling at my poor son and I hated myself. I kept thinking 'why am I like this? I wasn't even this bad when I was drinking!' I really wasn't liking myself yesterday. But the heat gets to all of us. Today is the same but I am determined to be in a better mood today.
Last night C and I went to the first performance of CATS in Melbourne! It was FANTASTIC!! I even got a photo with Delta Goodrem who is playing Grizabella. She was brilliant! Not sure if she is known overseas, but she is a wonderful Australian singer. I loved her!
Before the show though, we went out to dinner. C booked the venue. It's a flashy restaurant that has a theatre menue - 2 courses and a glass of wine for $40. Now, I didn't like what was on the menu, so I didn't choose the theatre one. I just chose something of the regular menu. And had water and a diet coke. C had a glass of bubbly and a red wine. I did feel a bit deprived I have to admit. I even said to her how nice a glass would be. So of course she said 'well have just one glass' Well, we know that's not possible so I just said no, I'd better not. How nice would it be to just have one glass? But the thing is, it's not appealing to me at all! I would much rather have two. And then at the theatre I would have to have one going in and then one at intermission. Getting home at nearly midnight would not have stopped me having more at home either, and then I'd be up till all hours and be feeling shit today. So no, one glass wouldn't have been nice. Because it would never be one glass.
I just love the theatre. When I left school I auditioned for a drama and dance school. It was a one year course, and I got accepted !! I also applied to nursing school and got into that too. I was so torn. Which to choose?! Mum and my careers advisor at school said I should do the nursing and I could always go back and do the drama/dance later. So that's what I did. Only I never did go back and do my first love. I met a guy (totally unsuitable of course) and was with him for 12 years!!! I moved to the city for a short time and tried to get into dance schools but it was too late by then and my BF wanted me to move back to the country and be with him, I so regret my choices back then. I often wonder how my life would have turned out if I'd done that course. Maybe it would have been me on that stage last night?! It was my dream. I have always resented mum a little bit for making me choose that path. I know it's not really her fault, but I can't help it. So many regrets in my life .....
Anyway, another sober morning! No hangover and a day closer to a sober Christmas. I'm getting excited now! I love Christmas. And this one will be even more special because I'm going to be totally present for the whole day! Only 6 sleeps to go!
A x
Last night C and I went to the first performance of CATS in Melbourne! It was FANTASTIC!! I even got a photo with Delta Goodrem who is playing Grizabella. She was brilliant! Not sure if she is known overseas, but she is a wonderful Australian singer. I loved her!
Before the show though, we went out to dinner. C booked the venue. It's a flashy restaurant that has a theatre menue - 2 courses and a glass of wine for $40. Now, I didn't like what was on the menu, so I didn't choose the theatre one. I just chose something of the regular menu. And had water and a diet coke. C had a glass of bubbly and a red wine. I did feel a bit deprived I have to admit. I even said to her how nice a glass would be. So of course she said 'well have just one glass' Well, we know that's not possible so I just said no, I'd better not. How nice would it be to just have one glass? But the thing is, it's not appealing to me at all! I would much rather have two. And then at the theatre I would have to have one going in and then one at intermission. Getting home at nearly midnight would not have stopped me having more at home either, and then I'd be up till all hours and be feeling shit today. So no, one glass wouldn't have been nice. Because it would never be one glass.
I just love the theatre. When I left school I auditioned for a drama and dance school. It was a one year course, and I got accepted !! I also applied to nursing school and got into that too. I was so torn. Which to choose?! Mum and my careers advisor at school said I should do the nursing and I could always go back and do the drama/dance later. So that's what I did. Only I never did go back and do my first love. I met a guy (totally unsuitable of course) and was with him for 12 years!!! I moved to the city for a short time and tried to get into dance schools but it was too late by then and my BF wanted me to move back to the country and be with him, I so regret my choices back then. I often wonder how my life would have turned out if I'd done that course. Maybe it would have been me on that stage last night?! It was my dream. I have always resented mum a little bit for making me choose that path. I know it's not really her fault, but I can't help it. So many regrets in my life .....
Anyway, another sober morning! No hangover and a day closer to a sober Christmas. I'm getting excited now! I love Christmas. And this one will be even more special because I'm going to be totally present for the whole day! Only 6 sleeps to go!
A x
Friday, 18 December 2015
Feeling stressed!
So, after writing my post yesterday, the little guy and I went to the shops to do some Christmas shopping. First of all, it was an extremely hot day so when we got in the car it was like a sauna and I immediately started to feel irritable.
Thankfully, we found a park straight away (which usually never happens at this time of year!) And the shopping centre is air conditioned so that was nice. But it went downhill from there.
There were people everywhere! And one of the things I hate about busy shopping centres is how slowly people walk. And they take up the whole corridor so you can't walk around them. Or they just stop in front of you. It drives me crazy! So I walk really quickly and scoot in and around people when I can.
Add a 9 year old into the mix doesn't help. So what did I do? I did what works best. I bribed him! "I'll buy you some popcorn if you are patient and let me look at a few shops and get what I need to get" He was happy with that. And it worked for a while. But he soon finished it and then the whinging started. By this time I was getting very frustrated because I had only bought one thing and as I didn't have any lists with me, I had no idea what to get anyone. The little guy was very good considering. It IS tiring walking around shopping centres, from shop to shop, so I don't blame him for wanting to go home.
By the time we left, we were both irritable and just wanting to get home and relax.
Of course, in the past that would have meant having wine. I would wait until dinner, and then I would have my 'reward'. I would certainly deserve it after such a stressful day! But as I was driving home yesterday I thought what would that achieve? I would enjoy the first one or two, but then I would continue to have more until the whole bottle would be gone. And then I would have woken up this morning feeling awful and regretful And because it's another really hot day and we have to go to the shops AGAIN, it would have been 10 times worse!!!
So, I am so glad I didn't drink last night. I am so relieved that I don't have a hangover. I will no doubt feel stressed and irritable again when we go to the shops, but I will get over it. And I will do it all without wine.
Day 26.
A x
Thankfully, we found a park straight away (which usually never happens at this time of year!) And the shopping centre is air conditioned so that was nice. But it went downhill from there.
There were people everywhere! And one of the things I hate about busy shopping centres is how slowly people walk. And they take up the whole corridor so you can't walk around them. Or they just stop in front of you. It drives me crazy! So I walk really quickly and scoot in and around people when I can.
Add a 9 year old into the mix doesn't help. So what did I do? I did what works best. I bribed him! "I'll buy you some popcorn if you are patient and let me look at a few shops and get what I need to get" He was happy with that. And it worked for a while. But he soon finished it and then the whinging started. By this time I was getting very frustrated because I had only bought one thing and as I didn't have any lists with me, I had no idea what to get anyone. The little guy was very good considering. It IS tiring walking around shopping centres, from shop to shop, so I don't blame him for wanting to go home.
By the time we left, we were both irritable and just wanting to get home and relax.
Of course, in the past that would have meant having wine. I would wait until dinner, and then I would have my 'reward'. I would certainly deserve it after such a stressful day! But as I was driving home yesterday I thought what would that achieve? I would enjoy the first one or two, but then I would continue to have more until the whole bottle would be gone. And then I would have woken up this morning feeling awful and regretful And because it's another really hot day and we have to go to the shops AGAIN, it would have been 10 times worse!!!
So, I am so glad I didn't drink last night. I am so relieved that I don't have a hangover. I will no doubt feel stressed and irritable again when we go to the shops, but I will get over it. And I will do it all without wine.
Day 26.
A x
Thursday, 17 December 2015
Dinner with friends and hope for a sober Christmas
It's school holidays, yay!! The little guy now has 6 weeks off school. I love it!. I enjoy having him around and it's a nice break from the daily school drop offs. I'll never understand parents who dread school holidays!
We went out to dinner last night with a group of friends from school. And hardly anyone drank! My friend C had a couple of sparkling wines, our hubby's had a couple of beers and that was it. I'm sure if I was drinking C and I would have shared a bottle or two of sparkling but she only had a couple. I didn't miss it at all (well, maybe a little bit) and was happy to have my diet cokes. We all had a lovely evening and it was a nice way to finish off the school year. I'm beginning to think that a sober Christmas is not out of my reach after all.
I haven't told my family yet that I won't be drinking over the holidays. We are all going up to mum's place in the country next Wednesday/Thursday and staying for about a week. I don't want to make a big announcement. I might just casually mention it when I'm up there. I don't know, maybe I should make a big thing of it. What do you think? I might just play it by ear. I'm still not ready to say I've given up drinking forever. I still struggle with that concept. So I am just taking it one day at a time for now.
I was watching the children at the restaurant last night. At their sheer delight in seeing each other (even though they'd only seen each other a few hours before at school!) and the joy on their faces was priceless. They take delight in the moment and have so much fun, all without a foreign substance running through their bodies. When did it become essential for adults to stop being able to have fun without alcohol? I'm going to try and enjoy my Christmas and holidays like a child. I'm going to take delight in giving presents and playing with the children. I'm going to try and live in the moment and let the holiday flow (thanks for that list SM!) And I believe I can do all that without having any wine.
Day 25 today.
A x
We went out to dinner last night with a group of friends from school. And hardly anyone drank! My friend C had a couple of sparkling wines, our hubby's had a couple of beers and that was it. I'm sure if I was drinking C and I would have shared a bottle or two of sparkling but she only had a couple. I didn't miss it at all (well, maybe a little bit) and was happy to have my diet cokes. We all had a lovely evening and it was a nice way to finish off the school year. I'm beginning to think that a sober Christmas is not out of my reach after all.
I haven't told my family yet that I won't be drinking over the holidays. We are all going up to mum's place in the country next Wednesday/Thursday and staying for about a week. I don't want to make a big announcement. I might just casually mention it when I'm up there. I don't know, maybe I should make a big thing of it. What do you think? I might just play it by ear. I'm still not ready to say I've given up drinking forever. I still struggle with that concept. So I am just taking it one day at a time for now.
I was watching the children at the restaurant last night. At their sheer delight in seeing each other (even though they'd only seen each other a few hours before at school!) and the joy on their faces was priceless. They take delight in the moment and have so much fun, all without a foreign substance running through their bodies. When did it become essential for adults to stop being able to have fun without alcohol? I'm going to try and enjoy my Christmas and holidays like a child. I'm going to take delight in giving presents and playing with the children. I'm going to try and live in the moment and let the holiday flow (thanks for that list SM!) And I believe I can do all that without having any wine.
Day 25 today.
A x
Monday, 14 December 2015
First Christmas challenge completed
I made it through my first big Christmas challenge. We went to our local carols in the park on Saturday night and I didn't drink!! And I am so proud of myself. If I'm honest with myself, I was a bit worried about it. I was scared I wouldn't be strong enough and that I would say stuff it and give in. But i didn't!
The night started with a bbq with our friends C and her hubby D, and their son, before we headed over to the carols. I had already told them that I wouldn't be drinking, and thankfully, they didn't offer me a drink once. Maybe they are finally getting it?! I did look at C's glass of sparkling longingly a couple of times but I just had to remind myself that I wouldn't be able to 'enjoy' just a few glasses of bubbly. The first few would have been enjoyable but then I would have to have more. And the sparkling wouldn't have been enough. I would then have had wine throughout the night. I would have drunkenly thought what a lovely evening we were having and think it was because of the alcohol and not all the things that actually made it a good night. Things like the company, the beautiful evening, the sheer fun the kids were having running around together. And not to forget the choir and the brass band and the festive spirit. They were really lovely. I had my diet coke and got to appreciate the actual night for what it was. And I'm so glad I did. I woke up yesterday tired but so glad not to have a hangover. I went to work and was able to function at normal capacity and be there for my patients and my colleagues. So much better than the alternative.
When I got home last night the little guy was sick. He was complaining of a sore tummy and couldn't get to sleep. Then he had the hugest vomit I have ever seen!! It was all over his bed, the carpet, his books on the floor... everywhere! Now, being a nurse, I am used to cleaning up bodily functions and I have a strong stomach, so it doesn't normally bother me. But I was overwhelmed bythe sheer amount and was wondering how the hell I was going to clean it all up! And all I can say is that I am glad I hadn't been drinking. I got stuck into the cleaning and it wasn't fun but it had to be done. Then the poor little guy finally went to sleep and had a couple of more vomits (smaller thank goodness!) during the night. He had a very restless night but I was able to be fully present for him. I am tired today but I am fine. And just so relieved he is ok today. We don't get gastro in our household to which I am extremely grateful! (touch wood!!) so I feel sorry for those people that do. Hoping it was just a virus which I'm pretty sure it was as he is much better today. Thank goodness!
So I got through a challenging weekend. I'm beginning to think I can do this. That I can get through Christmas sober. I just hope that I can stay strong and think of how good I will feel afterwards. I am going to apply the 5 points that SoberMummy mentioned on her blog. This is going to be the best Christmas ever!
A x
The night started with a bbq with our friends C and her hubby D, and their son, before we headed over to the carols. I had already told them that I wouldn't be drinking, and thankfully, they didn't offer me a drink once. Maybe they are finally getting it?! I did look at C's glass of sparkling longingly a couple of times but I just had to remind myself that I wouldn't be able to 'enjoy' just a few glasses of bubbly. The first few would have been enjoyable but then I would have to have more. And the sparkling wouldn't have been enough. I would then have had wine throughout the night. I would have drunkenly thought what a lovely evening we were having and think it was because of the alcohol and not all the things that actually made it a good night. Things like the company, the beautiful evening, the sheer fun the kids were having running around together. And not to forget the choir and the brass band and the festive spirit. They were really lovely. I had my diet coke and got to appreciate the actual night for what it was. And I'm so glad I did. I woke up yesterday tired but so glad not to have a hangover. I went to work and was able to function at normal capacity and be there for my patients and my colleagues. So much better than the alternative.
When I got home last night the little guy was sick. He was complaining of a sore tummy and couldn't get to sleep. Then he had the hugest vomit I have ever seen!! It was all over his bed, the carpet, his books on the floor... everywhere! Now, being a nurse, I am used to cleaning up bodily functions and I have a strong stomach, so it doesn't normally bother me. But I was overwhelmed bythe sheer amount and was wondering how the hell I was going to clean it all up! And all I can say is that I am glad I hadn't been drinking. I got stuck into the cleaning and it wasn't fun but it had to be done. Then the poor little guy finally went to sleep and had a couple of more vomits (smaller thank goodness!) during the night. He had a very restless night but I was able to be fully present for him. I am tired today but I am fine. And just so relieved he is ok today. We don't get gastro in our household to which I am extremely grateful! (touch wood!!) so I feel sorry for those people that do. Hoping it was just a virus which I'm pretty sure it was as he is much better today. Thank goodness!
So I got through a challenging weekend. I'm beginning to think I can do this. That I can get through Christmas sober. I just hope that I can stay strong and think of how good I will feel afterwards. I am going to apply the 5 points that SoberMummy mentioned on her blog. This is going to be the best Christmas ever!
A x
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