So, I had a break through last night.
We were having dinner and chatting when I casually mentioned to hubby that I was considering doing Dry July again but that I wasn't sure. I said I wouldn't be drinking anyway, but that I wasn't sure whether to do it or not. Hubby then suggests that I do it unofficially, that I just do my own challenge. So I told him that, actually, I was already doing my own challenge, 100 days in fact. And I mentioned 'some girl on the internet' was running it (sorry Belle, you are much more than some girl on the internet! I just wanted to keep it low key) What day are you up to? asks hubby. And I say 24. So there you have it. It's out in the open, albeit not in great depth but it's still out there.
Also, I decided to go to Kmart last night because the little guy needed a costume for his excursion today and I wanted to see if they had what I needed. So I say to hubby "it's good not drinking because you can drive to the shops at night". To which he replied something about that being what normal people do. I was a bit pissed off for a second but then I thought, no, you're right. So I said as much. Because it's true. It is what normal people do. And as much as I tried to talk myself into the fact that a lot of people drink a bottle of wine a night, they just don't. News flash - normal people don't drink a bottle of wine every night! Which of course, deep down I knew. I just didn't want to admit it. There's no hiding anymore.
I had the little guy home sick again yesterday and I was reading all my sober blogs plus new ones that aren't on my blog list. One of them had the word 'alcoholic' in big letters in the title. Well, little guy saw it and was trying to read it. 'Catholic?' he asked me. What are you reading about 'Catholics' for mum? It's not Catholic I say it's.... and I changed the subject. Because I wasn't sure if I wanted to explain what an alcoholic is. I have casually mentioned before that if you have too many beers or wines it can change your behaviour, but I haven't gone into it further. My brother who drinks way too much looks terrible most of the time. I asked the little guy once if he noticed anything different about his uncle, but he hasn't. He just said he smokes too much. So I left it at that. But if I want him to grow up aware that drinking too much is bad for you, should I explain to him what an alcoholic is? Is he too young (8 and a half) to know? I don't know. Any thoughts on the matter would be appreciated.
So, day 25 today. Feeling pretty good. Still tired but not as bad. I think I have been sleeping better since I started taking magnesium so that's a good thing. I'm still waiting for my pink cloud though, hopefully that will come!
Have a great day everyone :)
A x
Thursday, 11 June 2015
Tuesday, 9 June 2015
Day 23
I just want to thank everyone for their comments and advice on my post yesterday about whether or not I should do Dry July. I am still undecided, so I think I will sit on in for a few days. I have the rest of June to decide, so I will let you know when I make up my mind.
I am home from work today because the little guy is sick. I hate seeing him unwell, he is just not himself. But he is a good sport and is not a complainer. Hopefully he won't grow up to develop man flu syndrome!
I have to say, it is so much easier looking after a sick child when you don't have to contend with a hangover. I have more patience, am not irritable, have more empathy and am just generally a nicer, more caring person when I'm not hungover. It's sad to think of the person I used to be. I can't believe I was that person. But I can't change what I did, I can only control the present and be responsible for my future. So that's what I'm going to do. Try and be a better person, and make my life count.
I was reading SoberMummy's blog about introspection and what people would say about her if she got hit by a bus tomorrow. I've wondered the same thing myself. I wonder who would come to my funeral. Obviously my family would, and the good friends I've made over the last few years. But who else? And would they have good things to say about me?
My dad died last year. He was all alone. He hadn't seen his family for a long time. He was an alcoholic who never conquered demons and it came at a hefty price. The only people at his funeral were 3 of his 4 children (actually, he has another daughter, my half-sister, but she hadn't seen him for years either and lives in Norway) and his ex-wife (mum). It was so sad. Even though I hadn't seen him for over 25 years, I still mourned him. For the man he used to be, and for the man he never was. For all the things he missed out on over the years because of his drinking. I pride myself for never being as bad as he was, but does that matter? Does it matter if you are just a little bit of an alcoholic as opposed to a really down and out bad one? I'm just so relieved that I'm trying to stop my drinking now, before it gets worse. Who knows what would happen to me if I kept drinking.
I want my son to grow up with two grounded parents. My husband and I are not perfect. We have our issues. But my giving up drinking is a huge start. I don't want our son to grow up with our issues. So it starts now. Our little guy is going to grow up knowing that you don't have to drink alcohol to have a good time. That it can be destructive if not taken responsibly. I hope he forgets as he grows older how much I used to drink. I'd hate for him to remember me like that.
A x
I am home from work today because the little guy is sick. I hate seeing him unwell, he is just not himself. But he is a good sport and is not a complainer. Hopefully he won't grow up to develop man flu syndrome!
I have to say, it is so much easier looking after a sick child when you don't have to contend with a hangover. I have more patience, am not irritable, have more empathy and am just generally a nicer, more caring person when I'm not hungover. It's sad to think of the person I used to be. I can't believe I was that person. But I can't change what I did, I can only control the present and be responsible for my future. So that's what I'm going to do. Try and be a better person, and make my life count.
I was reading SoberMummy's blog about introspection and what people would say about her if she got hit by a bus tomorrow. I've wondered the same thing myself. I wonder who would come to my funeral. Obviously my family would, and the good friends I've made over the last few years. But who else? And would they have good things to say about me?
My dad died last year. He was all alone. He hadn't seen his family for a long time. He was an alcoholic who never conquered demons and it came at a hefty price. The only people at his funeral were 3 of his 4 children (actually, he has another daughter, my half-sister, but she hadn't seen him for years either and lives in Norway) and his ex-wife (mum). It was so sad. Even though I hadn't seen him for over 25 years, I still mourned him. For the man he used to be, and for the man he never was. For all the things he missed out on over the years because of his drinking. I pride myself for never being as bad as he was, but does that matter? Does it matter if you are just a little bit of an alcoholic as opposed to a really down and out bad one? I'm just so relieved that I'm trying to stop my drinking now, before it gets worse. Who knows what would happen to me if I kept drinking.
I want my son to grow up with two grounded parents. My husband and I are not perfect. We have our issues. But my giving up drinking is a huge start. I don't want our son to grow up with our issues. So it starts now. Our little guy is going to grow up knowing that you don't have to drink alcohol to have a good time. That it can be destructive if not taken responsibly. I hope he forgets as he grows older how much I used to drink. I'd hate for him to remember me like that.
A x
Monday, 8 June 2015
Dry July?
I was at work yesterday and saw a flyer for Dry July in the tea room. I can't believe it's nearly a year since I first saw that flyer and thought maybe, just maybe, I could do that. I had been trying to cut down on my alcohol intake for a couple of months and when I saw it, it was like it called out to me, like it was a sign. I know how silly that sounds, but it's how I felt.
So, when I got home, I secretly signed up. I didn't tell hubby and I'm not sure why. I think I wasn't ready to put a voice to how I was feeling. That I needed a break from drinking. I guess I didn't want to have to admit that I had a problem.
In the end, I had to tell him of course. I can't remember exactly what I said. Something about having a break and raising money for charity at the same time. We were at mums in the country with 2 of my 3 brothers and their kids, and they were all so proud of me for doing it. Especially mum. She knew I drank too much and she welcomed the fact I wouldn't be drinking for a month.
I LOVED doing Dry July! I've spoken about it before in my blog, but it's so true. It gave me permission to not drink and the relief was HUGE! I didn't have to explain to people why I wasn't drinking. I didn't have to go into any in depth reason and no one questioned it. Not a single person. Well, that's not really true. My friend C asked me why I was doing it, but in a curious way more than anything. So I just told her that I drank too much sometimes. That sometimes, before I knew it, I had had the whole bottle ha ha! But only occasionally of course, not everyday. I couldn't tell her that. And she told me how she too sometimes could finish a whole bottle. And I got the feeling that maybe she too drank more than she should. She thought it was great that I was doing Dry July.
It's funny now many people admired me for doing it. One day a group of us were out at a Lego expedition and we were planning to go out to lunch afterwards. One of the girls turned to her husband and told him I wasn't drinking because I was doing Dry July and he more or less said well done but that he couldn't do it. In fact, that's pretty much what everyone said. They said it was admirable that I was doing it but that they couldn't do it themselves. They had such and such to go to that weekend so there was no way they could do it. But I suspect that these people don't have a problem with alcohol. Not like I do. So they might not want to give it up for a month, but they don't drink every day so they don't need to give it up for a month.
So anyway, Dry July was a turning point for me. It gave me my first taste of alcohol free life and I loved it. If only that feeling had lasted. Unfortunately, not long before the month ended, I started to get those thoughts, you know the ones, the 'I'm not that bad' ones, the 'I can't be an alcoholic if I can stop so easily for a month' ones. And the hangovers had faded and besides, I was sure I could drink sensibly now that I knew how good being sober felt. And we all know how the rest went.
I drank for two weeks then found myself longing for those sober days back. So I stopped again for 31 days and then felt 'ok' again. And so it went. That was the beginning of my trying to give up drinking.
So when I saw that flyer at work yesterday, I wondered should I sign up? How nice would it be to have a whole month of not having to explain myself. To have people admire what I'm doing. But I would only be putting off having to tell people. Putting off the inevitable. So I'm not sure. What do you think? Should I do Dry July again? Or should July just be a regular July, just another month in which I don't drink? Not a 'special' month or a 'different' month. Just a new normal month.
Day 22.
A x
So, when I got home, I secretly signed up. I didn't tell hubby and I'm not sure why. I think I wasn't ready to put a voice to how I was feeling. That I needed a break from drinking. I guess I didn't want to have to admit that I had a problem.
In the end, I had to tell him of course. I can't remember exactly what I said. Something about having a break and raising money for charity at the same time. We were at mums in the country with 2 of my 3 brothers and their kids, and they were all so proud of me for doing it. Especially mum. She knew I drank too much and she welcomed the fact I wouldn't be drinking for a month.
I LOVED doing Dry July! I've spoken about it before in my blog, but it's so true. It gave me permission to not drink and the relief was HUGE! I didn't have to explain to people why I wasn't drinking. I didn't have to go into any in depth reason and no one questioned it. Not a single person. Well, that's not really true. My friend C asked me why I was doing it, but in a curious way more than anything. So I just told her that I drank too much sometimes. That sometimes, before I knew it, I had had the whole bottle ha ha! But only occasionally of course, not everyday. I couldn't tell her that. And she told me how she too sometimes could finish a whole bottle. And I got the feeling that maybe she too drank more than she should. She thought it was great that I was doing Dry July.
It's funny now many people admired me for doing it. One day a group of us were out at a Lego expedition and we were planning to go out to lunch afterwards. One of the girls turned to her husband and told him I wasn't drinking because I was doing Dry July and he more or less said well done but that he couldn't do it. In fact, that's pretty much what everyone said. They said it was admirable that I was doing it but that they couldn't do it themselves. They had such and such to go to that weekend so there was no way they could do it. But I suspect that these people don't have a problem with alcohol. Not like I do. So they might not want to give it up for a month, but they don't drink every day so they don't need to give it up for a month.
So anyway, Dry July was a turning point for me. It gave me my first taste of alcohol free life and I loved it. If only that feeling had lasted. Unfortunately, not long before the month ended, I started to get those thoughts, you know the ones, the 'I'm not that bad' ones, the 'I can't be an alcoholic if I can stop so easily for a month' ones. And the hangovers had faded and besides, I was sure I could drink sensibly now that I knew how good being sober felt. And we all know how the rest went.
I drank for two weeks then found myself longing for those sober days back. So I stopped again for 31 days and then felt 'ok' again. And so it went. That was the beginning of my trying to give up drinking.
So when I saw that flyer at work yesterday, I wondered should I sign up? How nice would it be to have a whole month of not having to explain myself. To have people admire what I'm doing. But I would only be putting off having to tell people. Putting off the inevitable. So I'm not sure. What do you think? Should I do Dry July again? Or should July just be a regular July, just another month in which I don't drink? Not a 'special' month or a 'different' month. Just a new normal month.
Day 22.
A x
Friday, 5 June 2015
My family's alcoholism stops with me
I was watching one of the morning shows on tv this today and there is a guy on one of them who gave up drinking a year ago. His father was the lead singer of a very well known Australian rock band who was renowned for his hard drinking and partying ways. So this guy, David, was on holiday with his wife and son and on the last day of their holiday he woke up with a bad hangover. His 3 and half year old son turned to his mum and said 'daddy isn't well'. This was a big wake up call for David so he decided to stop drinking. He said "My family's alcoholism stops with me". He said he couldn't stand by and watch alcohol and hangovers be normalised for the next generation. He also said "Was I an alcoholic? No. Did I have the propensity to become one? Yes, very much so." He went on to say that there is addiction on both sides of his family and that he was standing at the doorway of a very dark room.
This is how I feel. My father was an alcoholic and was never able to conquer his demons. He passed away all alone last year at the age of 69. My father-in-law was also an alcoholic and has been in recovery for over 30 years. One of my brothers is an alcoholic and really needs intervention if he is ever to have a normal life. I have my own problems with alcohol and my husband has issues of his own (not alcohol), so I worry that my son doesn't stand a chance. I want to be able to say that my family's alcoholism stops with me. I don't want my son to grow up thinking that it's normal to drink alcohol every night and that wine is a regular drink like water or diet coke. He already associates wine and champagne with me and I hate that. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the new generation grew up thinking that it's ok to not drink alcohol? That it's an absolutely acceptable way to live and that in fact, it is those that drink that are the exception, not the ones who don't. God, how I would love this.
Getting back to David, I look at him and wonder about him. I wonder if he struggled with his decision? If he has a demon on his shoulder whispering in his ear and telling him that it's ok to have just one or two. Or has it been easy? He looks so fit and healthy, has lost weight (not that he was big before) He just looks so well. I would love to be able to ask him how he is going. But he is a celebrity, and I haven't heard him mention it again. Maybe it wasn't a big deal to him. Maybe he just made a decision and that was it. I don't know.
Anyway, today is day 19. I'm still feeling really tired, but suspect my low iron has something to do with that. I was looking at the Living Sober website yesterday and must have left it open because hubby was looking at it and he asked me how many days it's been since I had a drink. I told him and he said "well done". I thought of going into it a bit more but it didn't feel like the right time. I will soon though.
We have been invited over to dinner at my youngest brother and his wife's place for dinner tomorrow night. I haven't decided what I will tell them yet. Maybe just that I'm having a break for now. I'll just play it by ear I think. I know my brother was very proud of me when I did Dry July and Ocsober last year (I haven't told him about my other sober stints though) Guess I will have to say something soon. We'll see.
I'm off to the shops soon. I've decided to treat myself to a manicure. As a little reward. Why not?
A x
This is how I feel. My father was an alcoholic and was never able to conquer his demons. He passed away all alone last year at the age of 69. My father-in-law was also an alcoholic and has been in recovery for over 30 years. One of my brothers is an alcoholic and really needs intervention if he is ever to have a normal life. I have my own problems with alcohol and my husband has issues of his own (not alcohol), so I worry that my son doesn't stand a chance. I want to be able to say that my family's alcoholism stops with me. I don't want my son to grow up thinking that it's normal to drink alcohol every night and that wine is a regular drink like water or diet coke. He already associates wine and champagne with me and I hate that. Wouldn't it be wonderful if the new generation grew up thinking that it's ok to not drink alcohol? That it's an absolutely acceptable way to live and that in fact, it is those that drink that are the exception, not the ones who don't. God, how I would love this.
Getting back to David, I look at him and wonder about him. I wonder if he struggled with his decision? If he has a demon on his shoulder whispering in his ear and telling him that it's ok to have just one or two. Or has it been easy? He looks so fit and healthy, has lost weight (not that he was big before) He just looks so well. I would love to be able to ask him how he is going. But he is a celebrity, and I haven't heard him mention it again. Maybe it wasn't a big deal to him. Maybe he just made a decision and that was it. I don't know.
Anyway, today is day 19. I'm still feeling really tired, but suspect my low iron has something to do with that. I was looking at the Living Sober website yesterday and must have left it open because hubby was looking at it and he asked me how many days it's been since I had a drink. I told him and he said "well done". I thought of going into it a bit more but it didn't feel like the right time. I will soon though.
We have been invited over to dinner at my youngest brother and his wife's place for dinner tomorrow night. I haven't decided what I will tell them yet. Maybe just that I'm having a break for now. I'll just play it by ear I think. I know my brother was very proud of me when I did Dry July and Ocsober last year (I haven't told him about my other sober stints though) Guess I will have to say something soon. We'll see.
I'm off to the shops soon. I've decided to treat myself to a manicure. As a little reward. Why not?
A x
Thursday, 4 June 2015
28 days
I watched the movie '28 Days' the other day. Now, I watched this movie a year or so ago when I was still drinking and I scoffed at it a bit. I didn't think it was a realistic portrayal of an alcoholic and that it just skimmed the surface of recovery. But I got curious and decided to watch it again and I really enjoyed it this time. Now that I'm not drinking I watched it with a completely different perspective. I could relate to the main character Gwen (played by Sandra Bullock) and thought it was quite well done. Some of the other characters were a bit eccentric, but that added a touch of humour to an otherwise serious storyline. And of course I now realise that no two alcoholics are exactly the same and that we are all different. I thought it was a good movie.
I remember too when I watched it last time that I would imagine myself going to rehab. I would picture myself stepping out of my regular life for a month and coming home a new person. All fixed. Of course it's nothing like that and I realise now that it's something that you have to work at for a lot longer than spending a month in rehab! But when I was drinking, I was desperate for something to change. I didn't really know how to go about it but I just knew that I didn't want to live like that any more. I may not have drunk in the morning like Gwen did in the movie, I didn't crash my car or have to go to court, but my drinking was making my life unmanageable. I was miserable. I find it almost funny now that had I known by just stopping drinking, things would start to get remarkably better. It seems so obvious now but back then it seemed impossible. So out of reach. If only I had realised this sooner my life could have been so much different. But I can't change the past. Like I mentioned in yesterdays post "our history will stay the same no matter what we do - but our present, we have control over".
A stint in rehab does sound appealing though. Having someone professional to talk to everyday and meetings at the ready would be very beneficial. You could concentrate on recovery without the stresses of everyday life getting in the way. But who gets to go to rehab? Whenever I think of rehab, I think of people like my brother, who is physically dependent on alcohol and who would need a medically supervised detoxification. Someone who can't just stop with the support of online friends and blogs. Or that person who lives under a bridge drinking out of a bottle in a brown paper bag. Or that person who spends the night in jail after a DUI and is sent to rehab with a court order. I should be thankful that I don't need rehab. That I can do this with all your help and support. Who knows, if I had kept drinking I may have ended up getting worse and doing something really stupid. It is a progressive disease after all. I just hope I never get back on that train to nowhere again.
On a lighter note, day 18 today! Nearly 3 weeks. My last drink is becoming further and further away, and that feels really good. I hope and pray that I can keep going.
Have a great day everyone.
A x
I remember too when I watched it last time that I would imagine myself going to rehab. I would picture myself stepping out of my regular life for a month and coming home a new person. All fixed. Of course it's nothing like that and I realise now that it's something that you have to work at for a lot longer than spending a month in rehab! But when I was drinking, I was desperate for something to change. I didn't really know how to go about it but I just knew that I didn't want to live like that any more. I may not have drunk in the morning like Gwen did in the movie, I didn't crash my car or have to go to court, but my drinking was making my life unmanageable. I was miserable. I find it almost funny now that had I known by just stopping drinking, things would start to get remarkably better. It seems so obvious now but back then it seemed impossible. So out of reach. If only I had realised this sooner my life could have been so much different. But I can't change the past. Like I mentioned in yesterdays post "our history will stay the same no matter what we do - but our present, we have control over".
A stint in rehab does sound appealing though. Having someone professional to talk to everyday and meetings at the ready would be very beneficial. You could concentrate on recovery without the stresses of everyday life getting in the way. But who gets to go to rehab? Whenever I think of rehab, I think of people like my brother, who is physically dependent on alcohol and who would need a medically supervised detoxification. Someone who can't just stop with the support of online friends and blogs. Or that person who lives under a bridge drinking out of a bottle in a brown paper bag. Or that person who spends the night in jail after a DUI and is sent to rehab with a court order. I should be thankful that I don't need rehab. That I can do this with all your help and support. Who knows, if I had kept drinking I may have ended up getting worse and doing something really stupid. It is a progressive disease after all. I just hope I never get back on that train to nowhere again.
On a lighter note, day 18 today! Nearly 3 weeks. My last drink is becoming further and further away, and that feels really good. I hope and pray that I can keep going.
Have a great day everyone.
A x
Wednesday, 3 June 2015
Day 17
I've been thinking a bit more about my friend and her reaction to my not drinking the other night. I came across this post by the founder of the website Hello Sunday Morning (HSM) and found it to be really helpful. You can read it here if you are interested (hope the link works, I've only just learnt how to do that!) This particular paragraph really resonated with me "The important thing here is your sense of identity in you and your choices. In this equation, your sense of self and identity as a drinker is really the only variable you can change. Our history will stay the same no matter what we do - but our present, we have control over. The value other people place on alcohol will be what they place on it - this is not our job to change it. What is most important is our own choice and choices" How true is this?!! I'm going to try and remember this if I ever feel pressured to drink again. And it's so true that we can't change our history. I have so much regret about my past, and so many 'what ifs' in my life, but at the end of the day I can't change anything. But I can have control over the here and now, the present. So that's what I'm going to try and do.
Getting back to my friend, why is it so important to me what she thinks anyway? I have spent my whole life worrying what other people think of me and I'm just so sick of it!! I've never been good enough in my eyes. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not clever enough, not young enough, not rich enough, wrong clothes, wrong house, wrong job and the list goes on and on. I have read interviews of famous women who celebrate being in their 40's, saying that they are finally comfortable in their own skin, that they are wiser and no longer give a sh!t what other people think of them. And I've been waiting patiently for this to happen to me... and I'm still waiting. I still feel like an insecure 20 year old who craves approval. Is this to do with my drinking? Or is it to do with my childhood and the disfunction that resulted from having an alcoholic father. I have had self esteem issues since I was a young girl, and I just want to be normal. I long for happiness and inner peace. Maybe giving up drinking will give me some of that? I don't know, but I really hope so.
Day 17
Monday, 1 June 2015
An interesting night!
Hi everyone. Well, I thought you might be interested in what happened to me on Saturday night.
So, the little guy and I go to the movies with our friends. It was a great movie and we were all looking forward to extending the good vibe and meeting our hubby's for dinner at the pub across the road. We arrive, the boys race off to the play centre (how clever are they by the way?! Giving the adults alone time to continue drinking or throw money down the drain on the pokies!!) and I have to go to the ladies room. And whilst I'm in there I have a bit of a panic because I just KNEW that C would go to the bar and order drinks for us and I hadn't yet told her that I wouldn't be drinking. So, I hurry back and sure enough, she is at the bar. So I tell her not to get me anything because I'm not drinking and she looks quite taken aback. So she decides to wait for our hubby's to arrive and we sit down. I tell her that she should order something because I know she was hanging out for a drink. Anyway, in the end she can't wait so goes back to the bar, and whilst she is there, our hubby's arrive. Then she comes back, with a BOTTLE of sparkling wine!! She told me that she got it because I might change my mind and she even poured me a small glass! I was quite shocked and thinking that I wasn't going to be able get out of this and would have to drink. And all the while, all I could think of was my broken days, my blog and all of you guys. And I really didn't want to break my momentum. But I didn't know what to say to her! My hubby actually said to her not to pressure me because I was trying to stop, but I'm not sure if she heard him. Anyway, I just ended up leaving the glass in front of me and drank my diet coke. Hubby then poured some more bubbly into my glass and ended up having it himself and we all had a toast (me with my diet coke) and crisis averted. But bloody hell, I couldn't quite believe my friend. She has actually cut down her drinking during the week so I thought she would be more understanding, but she was quite insistent! I guess cutting down is not the same as stopping. In the end, we all had a great night and I didn't miss drinking at all. I was able to drive home knowing that I was safe to do so and I didn't feel deprived at all. What I leaned from this is to be up front at the start. Be clear so there are no awkward moments. I don't want this to affect our friendship. I know we used to enjoy a drink together but I really like her and feel that this doesn't have to get in the way.
So, there you have it. I just can't believe how important it is for other people to have you drinking with them!! I want to be able to show people that the person who used to love drinking to excess can have a good time without booze. I want people to see that I have changed and that it's for the better. And maybe I can inspire others to follow suit. But even if they don't, I don't mind. I am doing this for me.
We are having them over for dinner one night in the next week or so, and I've decided to get a bottle of Edenvale. I do get sick of drinking diet coke and I don't mind the sparkling grape juice. And I will tell my friend in advance that I won't be drinking alcohol so that she is prepared!
Have a great day everyone!
Day 15.
A x
So, the little guy and I go to the movies with our friends. It was a great movie and we were all looking forward to extending the good vibe and meeting our hubby's for dinner at the pub across the road. We arrive, the boys race off to the play centre (how clever are they by the way?! Giving the adults alone time to continue drinking or throw money down the drain on the pokies!!) and I have to go to the ladies room. And whilst I'm in there I have a bit of a panic because I just KNEW that C would go to the bar and order drinks for us and I hadn't yet told her that I wouldn't be drinking. So, I hurry back and sure enough, she is at the bar. So I tell her not to get me anything because I'm not drinking and she looks quite taken aback. So she decides to wait for our hubby's to arrive and we sit down. I tell her that she should order something because I know she was hanging out for a drink. Anyway, in the end she can't wait so goes back to the bar, and whilst she is there, our hubby's arrive. Then she comes back, with a BOTTLE of sparkling wine!! She told me that she got it because I might change my mind and she even poured me a small glass! I was quite shocked and thinking that I wasn't going to be able get out of this and would have to drink. And all the while, all I could think of was my broken days, my blog and all of you guys. And I really didn't want to break my momentum. But I didn't know what to say to her! My hubby actually said to her not to pressure me because I was trying to stop, but I'm not sure if she heard him. Anyway, I just ended up leaving the glass in front of me and drank my diet coke. Hubby then poured some more bubbly into my glass and ended up having it himself and we all had a toast (me with my diet coke) and crisis averted. But bloody hell, I couldn't quite believe my friend. She has actually cut down her drinking during the week so I thought she would be more understanding, but she was quite insistent! I guess cutting down is not the same as stopping. In the end, we all had a great night and I didn't miss drinking at all. I was able to drive home knowing that I was safe to do so and I didn't feel deprived at all. What I leaned from this is to be up front at the start. Be clear so there are no awkward moments. I don't want this to affect our friendship. I know we used to enjoy a drink together but I really like her and feel that this doesn't have to get in the way.
So, there you have it. I just can't believe how important it is for other people to have you drinking with them!! I want to be able to show people that the person who used to love drinking to excess can have a good time without booze. I want people to see that I have changed and that it's for the better. And maybe I can inspire others to follow suit. But even if they don't, I don't mind. I am doing this for me.
We are having them over for dinner one night in the next week or so, and I've decided to get a bottle of Edenvale. I do get sick of drinking diet coke and I don't mind the sparkling grape juice. And I will tell my friend in advance that I won't be drinking alcohol so that she is prepared!
Have a great day everyone!
Day 15.
A x
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